tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8381162329654566332023-06-20T06:55:13.566-07:00These DaysMy Life as explained by the words of Jackson Browne!Today I am Teal!http://www.blogger.com/profile/01164140420404335794noreply@blogger.comBlogger50125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838116232965456633.post-53938550820091143742013-03-17T18:20:00.000-07:002013-03-17T18:20:57.736-07:00The Late ShowThis song has always been a favorite of mine. It is referenced by Bruce Springsteen when he inducts Jackson Browne into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, although by the Album title, not the song. When listening to this song, in it's studio produced form, one can hear the closing of the car doors, each a few seconds apart, followed by the revving of the engine as the car pulls ways. That piece of art plus the beautiful thought provoking lyrics constantly amaze me almost 40 years later!<br />
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<i>" and now I am sitting here wondering what to say,</i></div>
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<i>Afraid that all these words might scare you away,</i></div>
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<i>No one ever talks about their feelings anyway</i></div>
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<i>Without dressing them in dreams and laughter</i></div>
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<i>I guess it's just too painful anyway."</i></div>
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Maybe that is why the music of Jackson Browne is so powerful, at least to me. He does talk about, at least in song, talk about feelings. Feelings that I know I experience in my life, for my own reasons, but similar feelings just the same.</div>
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I am much better at dressing my feelings in dreams and laughter, or at times hiding them in boxes which I metaphorically bury them underground deep enough to never have to accidentally unearth them.</div>
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Yesterday I ran into someone I hadn't seen in quite awhile. It was nice to see her, she asked how I was doing, to which I replied "great". I walked away laughing. Am I doing "great"? No, not really. However, what does someone say to a really nice person they haven't seen in years? Should I have said "Karen, great to see you. Actually I am a little tense these days. I recently found out that I have tested positive for the breast cancer gene, and I am walking the path of trying to make the best preventative choices. Monday I will be having my tubes and ovaries removed in Chicago. Additionally tomorrow is the anniversary of my father's death, so I really miss him.</div>
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Then I thought about the lyrics of the Late Show. Feelings and emotions are scary enough for the person who has them, sharing them indiscriminately could send people running away with record speed. All people, do however, need someone to share their thoughts with, who they need not fear will disappear. I have always been an expert at not sharing, and I have been striving to change this pattern, by learning to share first, then break the tension with laughter. Laughter is a great healer, and find in humor in life after accepting the other feelings rocks!</div>
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So, as I mentioned today is the 22 anniversary of my father's death. He always loved a good bar holiday, so St. Patrick's day seems appropriate. My father died of cancer, as did my mother. Genetic testing has given me a gift. I have the opportunity to make proactive decisions, and possibly prevent an eventual cancer diagnosis. My children will have the same opportunities. </div>
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In the act of sharing my feelings, I have many on this issue. I feel lucky to know about my crappy genes. I am scared to walk thru this process. I am terrified to not go thru this process. For me there is only one direction to chose at this path in my life, so I have chosen to start this journey on Spring Break. As my son as called it, it will be an Alternative Spring Break. I'll be getting closer to peace of mind, which, could end up feeling like a great working vacation!</div>
Today I am Teal!http://www.blogger.com/profile/01164140420404335794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838116232965456633.post-76103326786331216202013-02-24T19:02:00.000-08:002013-02-24T19:02:39.953-08:00Doctor My Eyes<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today is my birthday. In honor of my birthday the Secretary of State invited me to take the written Driver's License Exam, in order to remain a legal driver. While I was impatiently waiting, I reflected on the last time I took the written exam. </div>
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Here is what came to my mind:</div>
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The last time I took this test I believe that Nixon was President.</div>
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Jackson Browne had one album, and I mean album, creatively named Jackson Browne, housed in a burlap textured album cover, and mistakenly referred to as <strong>Saturate Before Using </strong>due to the words on the burlap bag. The song which took off from that album, was Doctor My Eyes. For me, that was when I realized who Jackson Browne was, but certainly not what impact his music would have, and still have on my life.</div>
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I did not know anything about Selective Mutism, ADHD, Anxiety Disorders, Alcoholism, or Deleterious Mutated Genes.</div>
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I wanted to be a Pediatrician.</div>
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I had already had a fair amount of experience being a patient, a sick person, and a child of parents who were ill, so I already knew that feeling a being "different" than my peers.</div>
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I had already become very good at avoiding certain feelings, especially those of sadness, which continued to be a problem for much of my life.</div>
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The one thing I was certain about, was that I wanted more than anything to be a mother!</div>
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Next, while still impatiently sitting and waiting at the DMV, my mind as it does wandered to how my life has evolved over these past 41 years. What I had "pictured" as my life when I was 15, and what my life has actually held up until this point. I say up until this point, because I have figured out by now, life is a journey with twists and turns, road blocks, and surprises which shape who we will become, and what direction we are driven.</div>
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Here is what came to my mind:</div>
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I so thankful for my children and my husband. I knew I wanted to be a parent, but I could never have imagined the intense feelings and connections between parents and their children. The fierce need to protect their spirits, and nurture them, and protect them from harm. The feeling that over powers a parent to understand the internal workings of their child, and help them use what they have been given to to their best abilities, while educating others about their differences, hoping their teachers will appreciate their strengths and see their courage. The feeling of a parenthood which doesn't allow giving up on their children, even when running into many walls, while searching for answers.</div>
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<strong><em>"Doctor, my eyes; cannot see the sky; Is this the prize for having learned how not to cry?" </em></strong>I can't remember when, but one day listening to this song, I realized that this line was speaking to me. I looked up at the beautiful blue sky, fluffy white clouds, and at that moment I saw such beauty around me. It suddenly occurred to me, that my inability to feel sadness, also prohibited me from seeing the beauty that was all around. Children laughing, flowers, trees, people interacting, often escaped my eyes, my inability to deal with sadness had also started to remove beauty and joy from my life.</div>
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While working through the opportunities which life provides us, and frankly some of them really suck, it is important to feel all emotions to fully live life. I realized eventually that without allowing myself to feel sad, frustrated, and at times angry with some of life's opportunities, I was cheating myself out of the other side of the spectrum that comes with walking through the fire...feeling of pride, strength, joy and true happiness.</div>
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Life is not what happens to us, it is how we choose to deal with those events. The opportunities thrown our direction, and how we respond to them create our life.</div>
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My story is not over, each opportunity provides new experiences which may take my life, in a direction I have never anticipated. </div>
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What I pictured doesn't matter, what I do with my opportunities does.</div>
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I want to close by saying that, yes, I was at the DMV long enough to have all of these thoughts, and more. I am thankful that I do not have to sit there before every birthday to renew my license!</div>
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<br />Today I am Teal!http://www.blogger.com/profile/01164140420404335794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838116232965456633.post-59690321456560864582012-12-01T00:35:00.000-08:002012-12-01T00:35:03.706-08:00Enjoy Every Sandwich<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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When Warren Zevon made his final appearance on the Dave Letterman show, Dave asked him if his recent terminal diagnosis had caused him to have any new perspectives on life. He replied, "Not unless it is to remember to 'enjoy every sandwich'. Profound, yet simple, something everyone is probably aware of, but in the day to day craziness of life, we are too busy to take that time today, and it is put off until tomorrow, and so forth.<br />
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This is a picture of my little Warren Zevon. He does enjoy every sandwich, morsel of puppy chow, milk bone,and scrap of food that hits the ground. He enjoys riding in the car with his "family", playing in the yard with his dog "brother" Wrigley, chasing a ball, chewing a throw rug, licking the sofa, and dressing in handsome clothes. He loves to visit his human sister in the city, and staying at her apartment. There is not much is doesn't love, and to be honest, his little doggy life really doesn't throw much at him to worry about!<br />
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As the holidays approached, I found myself really excited this year, wanting to really enjoy this special time of year, and not have all the holiday decorating, and preparations seem like a chore. Accepting that with college aged children the family dynamics of the holidays changes, and it is up to me, to find different ways to enjoy the holidays.<br />
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Tradition one: we get our tree on Black Friday. It is a process, Mike's journey to find the "perfect" tree. It can take him more than one day of searching for that to happen, and more hours than anyone could imagine. Somewhere in high school the kids no longer found this to be a fun experience, they had a social life. I had given up on the experience many years prior, and it had become a father/children experience. In the last several years we learned that if Mike goes out and looks at as many trees as he wants to, even if he then returns and buys the first tree he looked at, he doesn't care, if it is the best one, he is happy. We always have a fabulous tree....and now that we don't join on the painful journey, the tree is enjoyed by all.<br />
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Tradition two: Waiting for Mike to get the tree into the house, and replace the lights that never seem to work, and put said lights on the tree. There are never enough, so then there are several trips for more lights, but in a day or two, tree is nicely lit.<br />
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Tradition three: I wait for this joyous evening, when all four of us excitedly gather in the living room and together decorate the tree, singing Christmas songs in harmony. This never happens. Since our children were past elementary school age, they have never really had that moment when this opportunity seems fun. For the past several years our tree wasn't fully decorated until Christmas Eve, and frankly last year many of our ornaments weren't even unpacked. I am usually annoyed by the time they agree to hang a few ornaments, and no one has fun.<br />
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This year I did something different. Mike brought home one of the best trees ever, and within a day, had lights on it, and there it sat ready for decorations. I decided to decorate the tree, and enjoy the experience. I have the time, and I am the one who wants it done. If I want it to be fun, then I have to avoid forcing my adult children to be nine years old again! I know they will love the tree, enjoy looking at it, and certainly won't care that we don't have to have the annual tree decoration disaster.<br />
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It is very possible that next year my life could hold some different challenges. Some of them, if I dwell, I find very frightening and overwhelming. However, today everything is fine, and I want to enjoy every sandwich. I found myself feeling emotional as I unpacked our family ornaments, and placed them on the tree. Each one seemed so special, so meaningful. Our tree, it appears to me, is a memory book of the life of our family. Each group of ornaments tell something, about us. What we did that particular year as a family. The Mickey Mouse, and Disney ornaments represent our favorite times together as a family in the happiest place on earth. We have a collection of trains, from Thomas the Train to a variety of Lionel engines, wooden trains, and rail cars. Andrew was a "train boy" from birth. When he was young we would hang the trains towards the bottom of the tree so he could move them around on the tree, which he did daily. We have decorated cows from the year the city of Chicago had the Parade of Cows. We took several trips to Chicago that summer to walk around and visit those cows, and take pictures of the kids with their favorite bovine. We have American Girl Ornaments to match Katie's dolls. There is an electric guitar, baseball bat and glove, Barbie ornaments to represent things the kids liked at certain times of their life. There is a collection from the Christmas Story from the year we fell in love with that movie as a family. We have a series of retro fisher price toys, replicas of the real ones I collect, as well as a collection of S'more ornaments, another favorite of mine. Most important there are the kids "Baby's First Christmas" ornaments and the home made ornaments the kids made in school, and have made it safely through the years. <br />
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The ornaments on our tree represent the layers of our family life. It shows our evolution as a family, what brought us joy at certain times of our lives, and who we are. The past few days, as I placed each one on the tree, I took the time to remember when and why each one became a part of our family, and what that time in our life felt like for us as a family. Time brings many changes, families change and evolve. For many years we were the owner of two beagles, Jack and Wrigley, who were very close. Our tree contained a pair of beagles that for some reason always had the strings tied together, so when the ornaments hung one beagle was resting on top of the other. Just like Jack and Wrigley. Jack passed away last winter, so yesterday I separated the ornaments for the first time, and hung them separately, because things change. Now we have Warren, and I need to find a Pug ornament, to hang beside the Wrigley ornament on our tree.<br />
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My hope for everyone I love this holiday season is for them to take a few moments to enjoy all of their sandwiches, and appreciate the history they are creating this year for their family, as well as the history of the past years.Today I am Teal!http://www.blogger.com/profile/01164140420404335794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838116232965456633.post-34898327246060306252012-09-29T20:42:00.000-07:002012-09-29T20:42:24.588-07:00Running on Empty<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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My daughter and I went to see Jackson in Indianapolis in mid August, had great seats, saw a great show, and then I was lucky enough to get this picture of her meeting Jackson after the show. It was a beautiful night, and those of us waiting were told that Jackson would not be stopping to talk, sign, or take pictures as they had a long drive that night, but we could take pictures as he walked to the bus if we wanted to wait. Jackson, however, came out and walked directly to the fans who were waiting, posing for pictures, signing autographs, and talking with the crowd. I personally have always wondered just how many of those black shirts he owns, as every time I have seen him in concert in the past two years, as well as in many You Tube videos he is wearing the faithful black button down. My daughter indulged me and asked him, while I was attempting to take the picture as my phone battery was "running on empty". The answer is three. I then suggested that since my daughter will be a college graduate in need of employment, maybe she could be hired to wash and iron those shirts for him. He told us he was responsible for that task!<br />
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I have taken my daughter to see Jackson several times, and each time we have, what I feel is a magical time. The music of Jackson is something she enjoys, she has always found magic in music, and the healing power in songs, and singing. So at this time in our lives we can deeply connect through a trip to a Jackson Browne concert. I cherish this trips, at a time when my daughter is heading off in her own direction as a young adult, these moments are priceless.<br />
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I titled this post Running on Empty, which Jackson has described as being written about a time in life where he was "chasing the dream", and then "living the dream" and wondering if this is what he was looking for after all.<br />
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Many an afternoon or evening I can be found either walking with my I pod, volume turned way up, listening to Jackson Browne songs, sometimes the same one over and over, as I absorb the words and meanings, as they apply to my life; or watching YouTube on my computer, and enjoying the variety of Jackson Browne videos available for my viewing pleasure. <br />
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Today while walking, listening to "Looking Into You" on repeat, as well as a few other favorites, I realized how lucky I am. Even when I am "Running on Empty" which has been fairly constant over the past year or so, I have a place to go to figure things out. I go to the words and music of Jackson Browne, and I listen, really listen to the words and what he is saying, and somehow I can always find comfort and peace.<br />
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I realize that not everyone has a special "safe place", a place to put reality into perspective. I feel really blessed to have found this place as a teenager, and still have it today. I am particularly thankful that Jackson has continue to write songs, to provide wisdom and thought provoking material over the past 30 plus years to provide a consistency in my life, and that I have had the opportunity to meet him and see what a genuine human being he seems to be. In a world where many seem to be out to get what they need for themselves, it is really inspiring to see that there are still people who care about what happens outside of their personal bubble.<br />
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My personal goal would be to eventually tell him the impact his work has had on my life, and thank him. As well as to have my husband and son also have their picture taken with him, to complete the set! <br />
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Running on, running on empty<br />Running on, running blind<br />Running on, running
into the sun<br />But I'm running behind</div>
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Running on<br />You know I don't even know what I'm hoping to find<br />Running
behind<br />Running into the sun but I'm running behind</div>
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At times I have thought that I was living my "dream", making a difference, changing someone else's life for the better, making an impact on the community in which I live; only to find that maybe it was a fantasy. </div>
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Today I know that whatever I do, if I have honest intentions I can't go wrong. When I don't know where I am "hoping to find", I can pop those head phones in my ears, and turn up the music, and soon I will feel at peace.</div>
Today I am Teal!http://www.blogger.com/profile/01164140420404335794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838116232965456633.post-85527226214773869852012-06-23T17:15:00.000-07:002012-06-23T19:01:39.807-07:00Sing My Songs to Me<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong><em>Sing my songs to me<br />Sing them to me softly<br />Sing me sunlight and shadows<br />Orange groves and meadows<br />Let your voice ring back my memories<br />Sing my songs to me</em></strong></div>
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This song was in my wedding. Why? What was the special meaning? The special meaning arrived after our wedding, when it became "the Jackson Browne song that was in our wedding". It was chosen because, I insisted that there be a song by Jackson Browne in our wedding ceremony. For various reasons most of his songs were eliminated right off the bat. After all it was 1989, and the reason that I was drawn to his music was the ability it had to help me work through the difficult times in my life. So my favorites at that time, "For a Dancer", "Here Come Those Tears Again", and "Bright Baby Blues", "Lives in the Balance", even the "Rehab version of Cocaine" were really not going to work.<br />
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<strong><em>Bring my dreams to me<br />Bring them from the darkness<br />Let the minutes and hours<br />Show my mind strange new flowers<br />But I'd like to know where they go<br />When the morning comes<br />Bring my dreams to me</em></strong></div>
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I spent literally hours listening to Jackson Browne songs, which was a job which I loved, however, without the Internet I had to find the cassette tapes, and boxes so I had the various words just to make sure I didn't make a mistake, misunderstand a lyric, and play a song like "Rosie" believing it meant something else. I did hear him later say that the original words in "Sing My Songs to Me", were oranges and yellows in reference to various colors of pills he stored in his room at the time, instead of of "orange groves and meadows", I would have chosen the song even if I knew that then, because frankly that is quite funny.<br />
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My point here is that I was tenacious in my quest to find a song of Jackson Browne's to play at my wedding. Even though I will have quite a selection for family funerals, what is really on my mind is tenacity.<br />
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For the last two weeks when I have headed out to my car to start my day, I have noticed a spider web on the side view mirror. There has also been a larger one on the hatch back door. The first day, I brushed them away, thinking to myself, I must really be a slob to have not noticed my car has been taken over with spider webs, I need to get it together. Each morning said spiders had elaborately spun a more intricate web than the day before, and each morning I knocked it away, knowing that Jackson would probably have the spiders transplanted to a special habitat where they could live out their lives without me destroying their hard work daily. Maybe, I thought, the message is to get a more earth friendly car, a hybrid, or electric. Then it hit me,<em><strong> man</strong></em> <em><strong>those spiders are tenacious</strong></em>.<br />
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My thoughts drifted to my children, whom I have always hoped to instill tenacity, so they would have the inner strength to do with their life what they desired, and follow their dreams. I don't really view myself as a tenacious individual, but I have put that on my list of skills to work on developing. My son just built the Taj Mahal, out of legos, but a job which took tenacity, and my dogs are trying to remove the family room carpet string by string, while no one catches them, so they are covered.<br />
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Then there is my daughter, who has incredible tenacity but doesn't even know she how much she actually has. Until she was 15 she was unable to speak to adults outside of her father, mother, and a few teachers. She had what we now know is Selective Mutism. When I finally found that as a diagnosis, I began dialing for doctors to find someone to work with her, and we were lucky to find someone who could help her work through this debilitating condition, allowing her to take on the same challenges other's her age are engaging in. When she was 15, I wondered how if ever she would be able to get a driver's license, because she had to get in the car with a strange man, and in our neck of the woods, usually quite grumpy, take his direction, and drive. At this point ordering food in a restaurant was challenging. <br />
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Then before I knew it, my daughter headed off to attend college, on her own, knowing no one from her past life to help her into her new life, and became a college student. Now that is one tenacious person. I was close, but not close enough to assist with getting tasks done, and she was over the age of 18 so there were things I legally could not help her with even if I was present. She occasionally stumbled and fell, but got back up and tried again, and never ran home for safety. <br />
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I began to watch videos on "you tube" by teens and young adults with selective mutism, and I became more in awe everyday with her tenacity. I suggest everyone watches a few so they can get an inside look at what hell these kids go through on a daily basis, while others around them think they are snobs, stupid, and incapable of trying just a little bit harder.<br />
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The first moment I really, really, really, saw the change in my daughter was in Chicago in September 2010. We were at a Jackson Browne concert, and as I have mentioned before, she asked someone if her mother could possibly meet him. A stranger, in an alley, in Chicago! My life changed that day for several reasons, but one of them was seeing the strength of my daughter reaching new heights.<br />
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As I write this I am anticipating her return from a year "studying" in Australia. I know that she has had a fabulous time, and that she feels she has met her future. She wants to return to live in Melbourne, go through her life down under, where she and I will not even be existing in the same day, let alone hemisphere. Although she must return to finish her bachelors degree in Chicago, she plans on returning to Australia. So, as hard as this is for me to do, I wish her the tenacity to do what she needs to do to find her way back, if that is where her dreams lie. I will be happy to Sing Her Songs to Her, but she will need to do the work, find the path, the means both financial and educational to make this happen. Although I can't fathom a life with either one of my children living so far away, especially due to my anxiety of travel, her happiness is of utmost importance. While sharing her life I learned so much from this young woman, that I am sure I can learn to experience some time outside of the United States.<br />
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<strong><em>Because it seems to me that there may never be<br />A better chance to see who I am<br />Come timelessly dancing<br />Through my dreams to me</em></strong></div>
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<br />Today I am Teal!http://www.blogger.com/profile/01164140420404335794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838116232965456633.post-88928028921383270382012-05-25T19:27:00.000-07:002012-05-25T19:27:16.780-07:00Alive in The World<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong>I want to live in the world, not behind some wall<br />I want to live in the world, where I will hear if another voice should call<br />To the prisoner inside me<br />To the captive of my doubt<br />Who among his fantasies harbors the dream of breaking out<br />And taking his chances<br />Alive in the world</strong></div>
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The picture above was from a September evening in 2010. My daughter and I went to the concert. I was suffering from a broken foot, wearing a stylish boot on my right foot. My daughter, wanting to help complete items on my bucket list approached a gentleman who looked like he was "with the tour", and I believe asked if there was any chance her mother could meet Mr. Browne. At that time in my life, I was just realizing that I was experiencing some increase in health problems, and I frankly believed that if I was going to the get the chance to work on the items on my bucket list, this was the day. So, my guess is, I looked pathetic! The "official" looking man took us inside the Chicago Theater, and sat us down for sound check. There he was, Jackson Browne, looking young, energetic and I felt 19 instead of 53! Which at that moment was the age of my daughter. The "official" looking man, came back after sound check, and presented me with a Jackson Browne guitar pick. All that was before the concert even started, and I was pretty much already floating in the clouds.<br />
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Through out the rest of 2010 and the Spring of 2011 I continued to be plagued with increasing health problems, which I wanted to ignore. I assumed that one day they would randomly disappear and I would be who I used to be. Didn't happen. As documented previously, I started a downward spiral of emotions, which caused me to turn strongly to the music of Jackson Browne, to listen carefully, to begin this blog, to eventually meet the man who wrote and performed the songs that I believe help me find my way in the world, and to eventually find the strength to leave my job of many years, trying to come to terms with the fact that I physically could no longer perform the job as I knew it needed to be done.<br />
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One year ago tomorrow, May 26, 2011, I left my job where I had worked for 17 years. It is also the birthday of one of my favorite people in the world, who can't read but I am pretty sure knows how I feel. Without this little person, and her family, and my family I don't know if I would have had to courage to move on, take care of myself, and begin to believe I could once again feel "Alive in the World".<br />
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I have documented my experience throughout this blog, my realizations, my feelings and thoughts as I taken this journey over the past twelve months. This particular song, which I heard as I was driving around today, to me reminds me how far I have come. I have forgiven myself for "failing" and developing health issues that forced my path to change. I do want to live in "the world", not behind a self created wall, or inside my head. I do want to to take my chances, even though it may involve facing my fears. <br />
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<strong>To open my eyes and wake up alive in the world<br />To open my eyes and fully arrive in the world<br /><br />With its beauty and its cruelty<br />With its heartbreak and its joy<br />With it constantly giving birth to life and to forces that destroy<br />And the infinite power of change<br />Alive in the world</strong></div>
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To follow these words, in my life today, I can take the anniversary of the beginning of my new path in life and enjoy the changes. Feel, as I do, thankful that I am here Alive in the World. Then continue moving forward, and take advantage of the "infinite power of change", and face my health issues head on, with out fear, and increase the time I have to "to open my eyes and fully arrive in the world". </div>
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Thanks to everyone who has helped me this year, treating me with respect when I didn't respect myself, liking me when I was not incredibly likable, sharing your children with me and trusting me, when I wasn't sure if I would would ever feel that I was able to contribute to the world around me again. Allowing me to recover, slowly and begin to take the next steps into my future life! Teaching me to enjoy my life, each and every day.</div>
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<br /></div>Today I am Teal!http://www.blogger.com/profile/01164140420404335794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838116232965456633.post-61591082848240503432012-05-13T09:10:00.001-07:002012-05-13T09:10:25.732-07:00Jackson Browne - Chicago - 2010<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/QhgGIuFHZ2c?fs=1" width="480"></iframe><br />
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Thanks for helping me figure out how not to be "Running on Empty"Today I am Teal!http://www.blogger.com/profile/01164140420404335794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838116232965456633.post-56130560420757576592012-05-13T08:59:00.000-07:002012-05-13T09:02:44.320-07:00Anything Can Happen<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aAQWFyzN6Xs/T6_Md-USW0I/AAAAAAAAAUo/75G3_WLLsG8/s1600/5962589841_19844e8e01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aAQWFyzN6Xs/T6_Md-USW0I/AAAAAAAAAUo/75G3_WLLsG8/s320/5962589841_19844e8e01.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I listen to the music of Jackson Browne every day. (Surprised? I bet not!) Sometimes I just have it on in the car and it is playing in the background while my self talk in my head plays on and on. Other times I listen, really listen to the words and find myself able to apply parts of songs to my life, or use those lyrics to find comfort and peace with my personal world. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">The lyrics of Jackson Browne songs can change my way of accepting the events of my life, and they can have the same effect on me as some people receive reading passages of the Bible. Listening to the same lyrics at different times can cause me to come to understanding different situations, in my one and only life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">When I am having a "serious" listening experience, I always, always, always, find myself once again amazed that many of the lyrics which can affect my life so deeply were written by a young man who was between the ages of 16-and early 20's. His use of language, words, metaphors, etc. never ceases to amaze me. Couple that with the fact that some 40 years later he is still writing, and creating equally as profound lyrical contribution to the music world, and of course, my life!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Here are a few of my favorite Jackson Browne quotes which have made a major impact of my life and times:</span><br />
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I'm going back inside and turning out those light<br />
And I'll be in the dark but
you'll be out of sight</div>
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(This quote was on the outside of my dorm room one year in college, can't remember why!)</div>
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I'm going to find myself a girl<br />
Who can show me what laughter means<br />
And we'll fill in the missing colors<br />
In each other's paint-by-number dreams<br />
And then we'll put our dark glasses on<br />
And we'll make love until our strength is gone<br />
And when the morning light comes streaming in<br />
We'll get up and do it again<br />
Get it up again</div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(as my generation has grown older, I find it amusing that an audience full of middle aged fans-who if they are middle aged will live to be 100 +-can't seem to wait to join in when Jackson gets to the line "Get it up again"! Does it make us feel young?)</span></div>
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Just do the steps that you've been shown<br />
By everyone you've ever known<br />
Until the dance becomes your very own<br />
No matter how close to yours<br />
Another's steps have grown<br />
In the end there is one dance you'll do alone</div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(I have asked that the last line appear on my headstone)</span></div>
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It's a hotel at best, you're here as a guest<br />
You oughta make yourself at home while you're waiting for the rest<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(Looking Into You is my favorite song of all, and after visiting the Abbey En Encino I love the song even more. The most incredible home I have seen.)</span></div>
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Baby if you need me<br />
Like I know I need you<br />
There's just one thing<br />
I'll ask you to do<br />
Take my hand and lead me<br />
To the hole in your garden wall<br />
And pull me through<br />
(love this song, just love it)</div>
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They shot a man into the sky<br />
The moon and stars became his bed<br />
He saw the sun rise seven times<br />
And when he came back down he said<br />
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It is one, it is one<br />
One world spinning 'round the sun<br />
Wherever it is you call home<br />
Whatever country you come from<br />
It is one, it is one, it is one, it is one<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(So true, so simple, so profound. Why doesn't the world realize this fact and act accordingly)</span></div>
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We watch the days we make our plans<br />
We change in ways a life demands<br />
I'll always remember this time, this place<br />
The hope in your voice, the light on your face<br />
Because anything can happen<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There are oh so many more fabulous quotes and one liners, which supply at least me with hours of thought about the world we live in, the way I want to conduct my life, the way I do conduct my life (which is not always the same), what I want for my children, their children, and the all of the children of the world.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We have a choice how to use our time in this world, we can use it for self satisfaction, we can use it for that as well as helping others, and we can use it to insure that this planet is still there intact for future generations to enjoy! For me it is a daily struggle to do my best at all of the above.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jackson Browne was at least once heard to say "of my cheerful material, there isn't much", or at a concert I heard him say "now that I've played that song (The Load Out) it's back to the darkness now". I have also heard him say that despite the tone of his music he is actually a very happy person.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I used to joke about listening to his music; which has a tendency to not be extremely upbeat; on such a regular basis. For awhile I stopped listening, thinking it might be unhealthy to take in such sadness, and I was having serious trouble dealing with the emotions which were arose as his songs brought the past into my present. However, here is the truth. I can't be a happy person until I deal with the parts of my life that are/were less than joyful. Listening to these songs, helps me take those difficult events from my life, find a comfortable way to live with them, and move forward to enjoy the joy of my everyday life. Also, being able to forgive myself for some of my past choices, which I am not proud of, leaves more room for enjoyment of each day, and feel the gratitude of being able to enjoy them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thanks Jackson!</span></div>
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<br /></div>Today I am Teal!http://www.blogger.com/profile/01164140420404335794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838116232965456633.post-91053447225312382682012-05-05T20:18:00.001-07:002012-05-06T19:09:36.245-07:00Lawyers, Guns and Money<br />
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Another Warren Zevon favorite of mine, although I prefer Jackson's version of the song! Since we are naming our new puppy after Warren Zevon I have been thinking about his music, his behavior as described in "I'll Sleep When I'm Dead! The Dirty Life and Times of Warren Zevon" and his obviously long term friendship he had with Jackson Browne. It's apparent in the book, that their friendship continued until the end of Warren's life, although there were long periods of separation while they followed their own paths.<br />
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I believe Jackson Browne takes the oath of friendship very seriously, and he displays this even today, by playing tribute to Warren by covering his songs in his concerts. This is two fold, they are great songs, and it helps make sure that Warren isn't forgotten.<br />
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Warren was certainly a fantastic musician and song writer. However, in his personal life he made many "mistakes", caused various people emotional and physical pain, despite how hard he tried to "get it together" he missed out on large parts of his loved ones lives, improving relationships ironically in time to find out he was terminally ill.<br />
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So, why do I and many others love Warren Zevon? His music, his performances, his "deeply disturbed" (which I totally appreciate) sense of humor? How could I make the choice to name a sweet innocent gentle puppy after Warren Zevon?<br />
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In the world of people there are many kinds of people. Two of those kinds are Jackson Brownes and Warren Zevons. Bruce Springsteen described them as Cain and Able. <br />
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Today, when pondering the name of the new puppy, after having to explain to someone who Warren Zevon was, and what songs he wrote, I had an epiphany. Although, I have always wanted to be a Jackson Browne, I am really a Warren Zevon! I want to be a save the world, everyone loves me, all around good person. A person who weighs decisions and choices carefully, considering the risks of their actions. A person who is comfortable in their belief system, who wouldn\'t become hurt or angry when the need to defend those beliefs arises. A person who when someone hears their name they reply, " she is such a great person". However, I am really a "say things at the wrong time", "can't always follow through", "afraid to do a lot of simple things", very insecure person. I certainly did not dish out the physical and emotional abuse which Warren Zevon did in his "bad" days. However, as hard as I have tried the past 55 years I have done many things I wish I could undo.<br />
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When Warren Zevon passed away, many, many friends and fans felt the loss. His musician friends created a tribute album by covering some of his "best" songs. These people were able to see the real Warren Zevon, the Person who he really was, when some of his unfortunate behavior was peeled away.<br />
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Send Lawyers, Guns and Money</div>
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The shit has hit the fan!</div>
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I have always loved that line, as it somehow, maybe not literally but figuratively been an applicable statement to a variety of events in my life!<br />
So, I've come to the conclusion that most of us aren't Jackson Brownes, nor Warren Zevons but lie somewhere in between. <br />
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I am proudly naming our puppy Warren Zevon,because in reality nobody is perfect. We will love our little "Werewolf of Champaign", when he howls in the backyard. When I find myself angry that he has chewed a hole in a sofa pillow, chewed up a shoe, and other acts of destruction, I will remind myself that I am not really a Jackson Browne but more of a Warren Zevon myself!Today I am Teal!http://www.blogger.com/profile/01164140420404335794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838116232965456633.post-11904274372190898012012-04-30T20:24:00.000-07:002012-05-01T09:05:01.486-07:00My Stunning Mystery Companion<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-TIUzJWEnFvM/T59OAy84N0I/AAAAAAAAATE/dBEJJXrHGY4/s1600/2012-04-29_11-45-49_883+(1).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-TIUzJWEnFvM/T59OAy84N0I/AAAAAAAAATE/dBEJJXrHGY4/s320/2012-04-29_11-45-49_883+(1).jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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The past twelve months have not been a great year for my family, when it comes to our pet population. We have been blessed with cats and dogs who have been a part of our lives for the past 10-18 years. My children grew up along side their pets and never imagined their lives with out their faithful friend. I complained about the chaos, pet hair, who was going to feed them, and loved them with all of my heart. </div>
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The back window of my car is decorated with Disney window stickers to represent our family. There is a happy Disney Mom, Dad, Girl, Boy, as well as three Disney Cats, and two Disney Dogs. All have smiling faces, to represent the happiest place on earth, and our family. </div>
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To represent our family accurately today, I would need to get myself out to the back of my car and scrape off two cats, and a dog. I haven't been able to bring myself to do that. I also probably should remove the happy young Disney boy and girl, and replace them with "hopefully" happy Disney young adults and move them to the other side of the window to represent that our fabulous kids are now making their own lives and planning their own futures. As is should be.....</div>
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This has been a time of adjustment, a time of change, which has not always been easy but with practice my new life has brought me much happiness, love, and joy. I once again wake up and find myself happy to see what the day will bring, and content finding a different way to spend my time. I have been learning to cook and bake. I go to library again, I read. I have begun an exercise plan to help me feel better on a daily basis. I watch really bad reality TV, as well as Anderson Cooper.</div>
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Still there was a lack of joy in the house. The early spring, the warm weather, a trip with my husband to California, all were joyful, but frankly the nest is still empty, and emptying out more each day. We currently still have Wrigley our 7 year old Bagel, which is a Beagle Basset Hound, and Lily the last of our cats, who just celebrated her 14th birthday!</div>
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So, it became apparent to me that to jump start the joy in our house, it was time to add new life, and that new life is the little guy above in the picture with my husband. It is my "Stunning Mystery Companion", Warren (Zevon) the Puggle.</div>
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Warren is still with his mother, and will join us in about two weeks. His mother will probably be overjoyed to have her nest emptied of her eight canine children. Just meeting Warren brought excited, joyful conversation between our family members. Waiting for the day he can join us at home is also exciting. I bought him a cute little bed, and I know he will spend his first few days at his new home chewing his new bed to shreds, climbing on Wrigley, biting his tail, eating our shoes, etc., but looking at his cute little puggle face, who could stay mad?</div>
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What with all my expectations long abandoned<br />
My solitary nature notwithstanding<br />
You're the one who pulled me<br />
Out of that crash landing<br />
My stunning mystery companion</div>
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Right now I can't quite remember<br />
The cause of all my tears<br />
I hear you laughing and somehow<br />
The past just disappears<br />
Maybe you were joking when you said<br />
You'd take me for ten years and no more<br />
Maybe you've had the best of me<br />
But you could take another ten years and be sure</div>
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Now, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that this song was written for a human, specifically Jackson's longtime girlfriend. I however, read the words and thought of Warren the Puggle who is joining my family. He is my stunning mystery companion!</div>
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Goodbye Nala</div>
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Goodbye Jack</div>
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Goodbye Chloe</div>
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You can never be replaced, and your love and loyalty will always be in our hearts! I know you understand my need to open my heart to "My Stunning Mystery Companion"!</div>Today I am Teal!http://www.blogger.com/profile/01164140420404335794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838116232965456633.post-85494244519460777322012-03-17T13:20:00.001-07:002012-03-17T13:20:38.205-07:00Warren Zevon - Keep Me In Your Heart<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/RMTKb-pgxGI?fs=1" width="459"></iframe>Today I am Teal!http://www.blogger.com/profile/01164140420404335794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838116232965456633.post-33461576038642589592012-03-17T13:20:00.000-07:002012-05-01T09:06:51.070-07:00Keep Me in Your Heart For Awhile<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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My father passed away 21 years ago today. While the crowds of 1991were consuming green beer, and for one day every one was Irish, he slipped away. Always having been a man who enjoyed beer, I am sure he held no grudges on how other people were spending their day. <br />
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I a newly minted mother, proud of my three month old daughter, had slipped out to purchase hot dogs from my father's favorite place for the family at home. When I returned, I received the news. I have comforted myself with the idea that he needed to wait until his "baby" had left the house, to leave the house himself. Sort of way my family operated, protect the baby, protect the weakest link, try to save them from pain.<br />
Pain which, of course, no one can be protected from, and pain each person must experience unless they chose to also give up the joy that love brings to life.<br />
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As "finally" a mother, I was not young, and although the family "baby", I was far from my babyhood, and already pretty skilled at storing loss and pain in the appropriate boxes, away in my attic of memories too painful for me to want to take the lid off and examine. I realized that day, that at 34 it was possible to still feel like an orphan, when both parents had passed away. <br />
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My Dad left me with a lot of memories to fill the memory box in my heart. Some great, some horrific, and some really, really funny. He had a sense of humor and I developed that same dark sense of what can be considered funny. He had a deep capacity to love, and to appreciate people, as they were, with what they brought to the table. He had a great capacity to forgive others of their transgressions, and to try to understand where they were coming from, when they acted in a way he didn't understand.<br />
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He also provided me with my own personal set of fears, which I harbored from a young age. He drank a lot, or was drunk a lot, and I cowered in the back seat when we would be driving home from places, fearful of being in an accident. He was frequently unemployed, which left me with a fear of losing where we lived, and he certain, at least to me, seemed fragile, which left me without the feeling that he could take care of me, and my emotional needs.<br />
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All of that said, he was hysterically funny. Loved to laugh, loved to joke. He had three daughters, and I don't remember ever being told, that I should have been a boy. He loved us, he loved my mother, he loved his grandchildren. He told me my daughter, when he made the trip downstate to meet her for the first time, was the "prettiest baby ever", as I am sure he told my sisters about their children. He believed that of all of them. He, unlike me, had emotion. I was often afraid, as his seemed to bubble up to the surface more than I was comfortable dealing with on a daily basis! He was lucky to have those feelings, I now know.<br />
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My father, if he had heard his music, would have loved Warren Zevon. My father loved music, mostly jazz. However, Warren's dark humor would have been appreciated by my Dad. I have chosen this song today, to honor my father, because of that feeling.<br />
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Shadows are falling and I'm running out of breath<br />
Keep me in your heart for awhile<br />
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If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less<br />
Keep me in your heart for awhile<br />
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When you get up in the morning and you see that crazy sun<br />
Keep me in your heart for while<br />
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There's a train leaving nightly called when all is said and done<br />
Keep me in your heart for while<br />
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Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo<br />
Keep me in your heart for while<br />
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Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo<br />
Keep me in your heart for while<br />
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Sometimes when you're doing simple things around the house<br />
Maybe you'll think of me and smile<br />
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You know I'm tied to you like the buttons on your blouse<br />
Keep me in your heart for while<br />
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Hold me in your thoughts, take me to your dreams<br />
Touch me as I fall into view<br />
When the winter comes keep the fires lit<br />
And I will be right next to you<br />
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Engine driver's headed north to Pleasant Stream<br />
Keep me in your heart for while<br />
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These wheels keep turning but they're running out of steam<br />
Keep me in your heart for while<br />
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Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo<br />
Keep me in your heart for while<br />
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Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo<br />
Keep me in your heart for while<br />
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Keep me in your heart for while</div>
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Many times when I am doing something simple around the house, I think of my father, and I smile. I am not angry at him for the bad memories, I have used those as a springboard for forgiveness, and a memory of feelings I don't want my children to carry around throughout their lives. </div>
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My father's memory box was the first one I was able to open in my head, and sort through. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I finally could feel the feelings, and hold the good memories close to me. </div>
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I hold him in my thoughts, I take him to my dreams, and I know he left me with out loving me any less.<br />
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Thanks Dad!Today I am Teal!http://www.blogger.com/profile/01164140420404335794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838116232965456633.post-87103673418399662472012-02-24T11:50:00.000-08:002012-05-01T09:08:30.228-07:00The Load Out/ StayToday is my Birthday, 55 years old, six months older than my mother ever reached, and I really don't feel as if I am old, older, but not <strong>OLD</strong>.<br />
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I chose the Jackson Browne classic "The Load Out/Stay" to represent this birthday, for several reasons. This has been a year of adjusting to changes. There has been a change in what I do each day, a change in family structure as my kids are growing up, our old pets are departing at a rapid rate, and what was once a certainty is not anymore.<br />
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I remember hearing this song for the first time in 1978, which his actually the year my mother passed away. There is mention of eight tracks, cassets and steroes. At that time the roadies would come out and sing their part, etc. and the stadium would begin to empty as the band would sing sStay. It was a great end to a concert, everyone singing their way to the exit, many stumbling, but we won't get into that!<br />
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We have all aged, I never had an eight track, but no one actually does now, cassets are unused in a box, and our stereo doesn't get much use at all. My beautiful daughter is now in Australia "studying" criminal psychology, and my handsome son is living on campus at U of I, exploring gender studies with a interest in social work. They are both, like me, interested in why people do what they do. Interesting, as my prediction was that my son would be a developer of video games, and my daughter would work with young children, who had trouble verbally expressing themselves. Am I disappointed? No, I couldn't be prouder that these two young adults have grown up to follow their interests, in spite of me!! <br />
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I so wanted them to Stay, to keep me feeling young, but it was time for them to Load Out, and grow, and I had to let them go. They have provided me with such pleasure as I have watched them navigate the trials and tribulations of the life of young adults. I want so badly to push fast forward, or at least select another track, to allow them to avoid the inevidable pain of growing up into adulthood, but life doesn't allow me to do this, so I watch, and hopefully provide a gentle place to land while they figure out what to do next.<br />
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If there was a happiness meter, I could say that I am probably 99% happier, than I was last year at this time. Today my days are spent, playing, investigating, and laughing, with four fabulous young people between the ages of 1 and 4. They remind me daily of the joy of life, the joy of simple things, like cake, bubbles, paint, and playdough. They help me see the world through different glasses, and help me appreciate the beauty a day gives each of us to explore. They help me remember that one "bad" moment in a day, doesn't make a bad day, and even if I think it does, there is always tomorrow. However, in case there isn't tomorrow, live each day to the fullest.<br />
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I realized a few weeks ago, shock of shocks, I am slow to connect the dots! That I have been married for 22 years, that my friends is a long time! Mike and I have been given the gift of longevity, and the opportunity to establish a "new" life, without our eight tracks, without our children living at home, and although not in the greatest health, still with plenty of energy to learn new things, and explore things together. Left with one semi old Beagle Basset, with a giant head, one old cat with a persistant loud meow, who stares at us all night, and one sweet old cat, who has been know to move into neighborhood homes when we travel, we are here with the opportunity to get to know each other again, as we have both changed as our life as evolved and our children have grown.<br />
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So, on this my 55th birthday, I am thankful for those in my life today, for the children who I enjoy each afternoon, and who provide me hours of fun, and laughter. For their parents who share them with me, I blessed that have chosen to do that for me. For my own children, whom I love to watch grow into adulthood, to my husband who puts up with me, and now has a life time worth of dish soap due to one of my cost saving adventures. To my old pets, who remind me of the circle of life, and that it is alright to throw ones heart out there, even though sometimes there will be pain. To my parents for having me, my siblings for helping to raise me, and there children who are older than mine, showing me that our family grows great young adults.<br />
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I am also thankful for Jackson Browne, his music has carried me through life. He has gotten older, changed, and his music has developed and reflected those changes life brings. I appreciate that he has not disappeared during the aging process, but continued to provide people like me, music and lyrics to help sort out their lives!Today I am Teal!http://www.blogger.com/profile/01164140420404335794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838116232965456633.post-79744815887654761452012-02-24T11:01:00.000-08:002012-05-01T09:07:15.268-07:00Jackson Browne - 2011-04-02 - The Load Out / Stay - Live<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/JjF5xRfYHsY?fs=1" width="480"></iframe>Today I am Teal!http://www.blogger.com/profile/01164140420404335794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838116232965456633.post-69829574723583327222011-08-01T08:44:00.000-07:002012-05-01T09:10:17.025-07:00For a Dancer<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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For a Dancer, one of the Jackson Browne songs, known as a funeral song. Somewhere I heard Jackson say that people often ask if there is an album of his that doesn't contain a song about people dying. He replied that he is drawn to write about death, as it is one of the most difficult concepts for people to grasp, and so hard to understand.</div>
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Into a dancer you have grown</div>
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From a seed somebody else has thrown</div>
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Go on ahead and throw some seeds of your own</div>
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And somewhere between the time you arrive</div>
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And the time you go</div>
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May lie a reason you were alive</div>
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But you'll never know</div>
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Today is the anniversary of my Mother's death. She was 54 when she died. We shared a birth date. I am 54, so I am exactly the age she was when she died. I have an almost 21 year old daughter, and a 19 year old son. I was 21 when my mother died. I look at my children, and I am certain they are not yet ready to no longer be "mothered". They are awesome young adults, and do a good job navigating the world they live in, but they still need their mother. Although I didn't know it then, I am pretty sure I did too.</div>
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The quote above is one of my favorites Jackson Browne quotes. There were several seeds that my mother threw that she never was able to meet, and know. She was responsible for the birth of me, and my two older sisters, so she was therefore indirectly responsible for her grandchildren. Thank you mom for your part in bringing Elizabeth, Naomi, Adam, Nick and Dan; my nieces and nephews into this world. Thank you mom for your part in bringing the greatest gift I have ever to receive into this world, my children. For without Katie and Andrew I would be nothing, they are my reason to exist, to pull my hair out in clumps, to laugh and to love. They teach me patience, tolerance, and how to love on a daily basis. They have taught me so much, opened my mind to understanding things which I would have never taken a chance at exploring, and they have taught me that my real dreams are not what I saw them becoming on the day they were born, but for their happiness and success in the life that they see for themselves!</div>
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Parenthood is probably not my greatest strength, but it is my greatest joy . Mom, I am sorry you were robbed of that joy at such an early time, and that you could only imagine what was to become, and that you missed getting to know the fabulous people created by the seeds that you threw, and the reason you were alive.</div>
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Your absence in felt in your children, their spouses, and your grandchildren. Thanks for the gift of life, I cherish it.</div>
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</div>Today I am Teal!http://www.blogger.com/profile/01164140420404335794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838116232965456633.post-19951382053863270372011-07-04T10:51:00.000-07:002011-07-04T10:51:21.659-07:00Werewolves of London<div align="center"><a data-bk="6.1" data-bns="API.YAlgo" href="http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0PDoX289hFOXAoANouJzbkF;_ylu=X3oDMTBwMzEwaHZhBHBvcwMxBHNlYwNzcgR2dGlkA0kxMzhfODg-/SIG=1lbflunsk/EXP=1309828924/**http%3a//images.search.yahoo.com/images/view%3fback=http%253A%252F%252Fimages.search.yahoo.com%252Fsearch%252Fimages%253Fp%253Dbrita%252Bwater%252Bbottle%252Bfill%252Band%252Bgo%2526ei%253DUTF-8%2526fr2%253Dtab-web%26w=458%26h=598%26imgurl=brita.qnetau.com%252Fimages%252FW%252FFill%252520%252526%252520Go%252520pink%252520%25252B%2525202%252520filters.jpg%26rurl=http%253A%252F%252Fbrita.qnetau.com%252Fproduct.php%253Fproductid%253D32%26size=49KB%26name=BRITA%2bWater%2bFilt...%26p=brita%2bwater%2bbottle%2bfill%2band%2bgo%26oid=79294a20dd718471685b7dd38bb08b53%26fr2=tab-web%26no=1%26tt=109%26sigr=11g8nrork%26sigi=128r907ms%26sigb=132lkcuku%26.crumb=0m3I4SPozjM"><img alt="Go to fullsize image" height="160" src="http://ts1.mm.bing.net/images/thumbnail.aspx?q=961170113220&id=1547b2974b12b73d739a482311536d93" title="http://brita.qnetau.com/product.php?productid=32" width="122" /></a></div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I recently purchased this item, and although I know that Jackson would remind me that it is plastic, which it is, however, it is NOT single use plastic, and it is BPA free. I had discovered that while boycotting the use of the plastic bottle, I almost altogether stopped drinking water, as I don't like the taste of water in metal containers! Yes, a bit of a Diva at that, but this product is better than a disposable water bottle. So, Jackson please, cut me some slack!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I have made some shifts in my use of products, and reducing my carbon footprint. Small, but changes none the less! I use bar shampoo, so that saves a single use plastic bottle, recycle weekly, and I am trying to avoid purchasing items housed in materials which will end up in a landfill.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Today is the 4th of July! Independence Day! Funny, it's not a Holiday that I have found particularly enjoyable for the past decade or more. I am not totally certain as to why, maybe because it means the summer is moving too fast, and usually work is right around the corner. I am not really certain. This year, I remind myself that this is not the mid point of summer, but that there is still plenty of time for me to enjoy the lazy days of summer! </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">This week I send my daughter off to Australia to study abroad until the end of November. Oh, how I will miss her, and oh, how lucky she is to have the experience! I am so proud of her, and I am certain she will have a fabulous time! I will have the opportunity to once again grow as a parent, as I did when she left for college two years ago, and I certainly want to still grow! She has done a great job of cutting me loose slowly, but with a certainty that is necessary. She is teaching me to find other portions of my life to focus my attention on, and to allow her to grow! She also makes sure that I know that it doesn't count if it is her brother, who wouldn't be nice enough to gently shove me in another direction!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">The other night I went out to dinner with friends who happen to be members of the board of directors of my last place of employment. I expected it to be a nice evening, and it was, however I still couldn't shake the feeling of nervousness, fear of saying the wrong things, or any other insecurities which I am still combating from the experiences of the past year. I bring this event up because as we sat at ate, I suddenly heard the voice of Jackson emerging from the speakers. There he was singing, one of my all time favorites, Sweet Baby Blues. I immediately relaxed, as the odds of hearing Jackson Browne played at a place where the servers, managers, bartenders, etc. were not close to being old enough to know who he is, and choose his music. I have always believed that these little oddities of life happen for a reason. To me, Jackson's words are often what I need to calm down, to take stock of the reality of a situation, and to just smile spontaneously, which can cause a cascade of relaxation!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">A few minutes more into dinner, I listened once again to hear a version of Werewolves of London! I also love Warren Zevon, and his songs often just make me out and out laugh. The odds of hearing both these songs in place full of young employees, lead me to believe it was one of those events, which happen for whatever reason, but are not accidental, they occur for me, because I need them too!</div>Today I am Teal!http://www.blogger.com/profile/01164140420404335794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838116232965456633.post-14035451542846234782011-06-27T10:06:00.000-07:002011-06-27T10:06:20.688-07:00I'm Alive!I have heard Jackson say that this song, I'm Alive, is a fun song to sing, and an exhilarating statement to make. From his prospective it is the proclamation from a person that something in their life, which they thought would destroy them, hasn't, and they are still<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">here</span>, feeling better, and once again learning the joys of living life to it's fullest.<br />
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</div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">I want to go where I will never hear your name<br />
I want to lose my sorrow and be free again<br />
And I know I've been insane<br />
When I think of places I could have been</span></div><div align="center"><br />
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</div><div align="left"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: x-small;">I am fairly certain that many, many, many people have experiences far more traumatic than I which vastly change their life, and force them to look at life options differently, and change their direction, as well as make plans for a life that they hadn't seen in their future. Sometimes it is like me, just accepting what was going to be the inevitable, and learning to live with a plan thrust upon me. The biggest challenge for me, is to actually really believe that things are changing, that I am not going to be doing what I have done daily for the past 20 plus years, and the feeling that does to my feelings of self worth. What I did daily created my perception of my self worth as a person. It made me who I was, more than anything else in my life, my job defined me. With out it, I have no definition, the question where do you work, and what do you do there, was my description of myself. </span></div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: x-small;">Knowing this, explains the difficulty I am having with the transition, from workaholic and receiving the praise from working so hard, to me....who ever that is....I am loving what I am doing each day, the people I am spending my time with, and the joy I am experiencing. I will eventually, I assume, not need to receive the outside praise for being a workaholic, and recover from the damage I did to myself, not being able to figure out why I was spiraling out of control this past year, and the feelings of failure and loss. I believe that I someday will forgive myself, and that I will trust myself that I am doing a good job on a daily basis, and making a positive impact on the people that I spend my days enjoying. They are certainly making a positive impact on me, and helping me, with out being aware, heal my raw emotional state, a little bit each day.</span></div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: x-small;">What I have discovered over the past few weeks, is that I can start over, I can accept these changes, and I can find joy in activities that I haven't participated in for a long time. I find myself wondering if people at the age of 54 can make a new life for themselves. Can I make new friends, change the way I live, feel like a valuable human? Well, I have no choice. It is that, or continuing on the path of self destruction, and I don't want to make that choice.</span></div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: x-small;">Sometimes I pretend that I have moved to a new city, where no one knows me, which would leave me in the position of needing to make new friends, explore new hobbies, and find a place to feel comfortable with who I am, and present that person to others. That gives me the freedom to leave the house, and work on a new life, with out fear of judgment of those who have judged me, and made decisions about who they thought I was, and whose opinions and judgments I, yes, I have allowed to hurt me, and damage me, and to incapacitate me.</span></div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: x-small;">I'm Alive! Like many others who have experienced emotional damage due to circumstances of their lives, I have the opportunity to learn to find my self worth in a different way than in the past. I can do things, and make changes that make ME happy, and make me feel good about myself, and gain my feelings of self worth from myself.</span></div><div align="left"><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: left;"></div>Today I am Teal!http://www.blogger.com/profile/01164140420404335794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838116232965456633.post-45628167511349545592011-05-27T08:30:00.001-07:002011-05-27T08:30:16.465-07:00Sky Blue and Black<a href="http://youtu.be/-BkNF-tOW_w">http://youtu.be/-BkNF-tOW_w</a>Today I am Teal!http://www.blogger.com/profile/01164140420404335794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838116232965456633.post-71148589876189627122011-05-27T08:22:00.000-07:002011-05-27T08:22:08.704-07:00Sky Blue Sky Black<div align="center">I hear the sound of the world where we played<br />
And the far too simple beauty<br />
Of the promises we made</div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I love this song, it is so incredibly beautiful, and the piano is fantastic. I heard an interview where Jackson describes this song as a funeral for a relationship, which is doomed, already over in the start of the song, and obviously didn't go as planned. What he says, is that like a funeral, where the life a person is celebrated, and their good attributes, and the fond things that each person carries in their heart for the deceased are what counts when all is said and done. The same is true he says of a relationship of any kind that doesn't play out as planned or ends, despite all efforts to fix what is broken.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I see this in my life as I move forward, accepting the changing factors of my life. Anger has no use in a persons life, or at least mine. True anger, at least for me is not a motivator, it turns into the worse thing that anger can for me personally, depression. Yes, the definition of depression is "anger turned inward", and it gets stuck, causing wasted energy on sadness, which could be used to enhance my life and move forward, exploring the opportunities which lie ahead, waiting to help me grow into a better person, and effect positive change on our world.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">That depression has the power to take over my whole world, and multiplies endlessly over flowing into every tiny corner of my world, and I lose the joy in most anything, and then of course, find myself depressed about everything I am not getting done.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I look back over the past weeks....I am pleased to say that my whole family has jumped on the recycling band wagon, which is good, or I would have dropped it, and then been mad that I did! It goes out, and gets picked up and goes away. My husband now patrols the garbage, looking for stray recyclable items, that have slipped through the process.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Everyone but (funny choice of words) has accepted the recycled toilet paper, wrapped in paper, not plastic. She believes it is a purchase made by me, to make her stays with us as uncomfortable as possible!!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">The cats are properly recycling their wet food cans, and the dogs are playing their part by consuming as many paper towels and garbage as they can, to help us get a jump on composting.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I often forget to bring my reusable shopping bags, but I promise to try my best to remember. We use biodegradable trash bags, and I store leftovers in items that are not single use. Most of us avoid the plastic bottle, and to make up for any mistakes I buy pens made of recycled water bottles. We buy our milk in a carton, instead of plastic, and could really go to glass.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I use bar shampoo, but I am continually looking for something better than what I have, and I am currently researching trading in my car for a hybrid. Save gas, save money, etc.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Each day, I miss so many opportunities to be green, and I guess the good thing is that I realized that I am making mistakes, and that I have more to learn. Since I have the time to explore life these days, I will continue to do this, and share any good environmentally friendly finds I discover with others by way of this blog.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So, today I chose to take the words of Jackson Browne, and remember that the value of anger in my life is low, the secret to success is to remember the good, and maintain the the love and energy gained from that part of any situation and carry that with me, to look for what I want in the next phases of my life.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div align="center" style="text-align: left;"></div><div style="text-align: center;">But the moment has passed by me now<br />
To have put away my pride<br />
And just come through for you somehow<br />
<br />
</div>Today I am Teal!http://www.blogger.com/profile/01164140420404335794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838116232965456633.post-49191065033049740782011-05-11T18:36:00.000-07:002011-05-13T13:45:49.386-07:00Running On Empty<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Last Friday night I went with my husband to see Jackson in Peoria, where we enjoyed our great seats, time together, and had the pleasure of connecting with each other while listening to the words and music which have such an incredible impact on my personal life, emotions, and help me gain perspective on my life. As this school year comes to a close, and the beginnings of summer are starting to peak out behind the clouds of the winter, I was able to gain a different perspective of the past year, where I started, and where I am today.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">First of all, as Oprah began her 25th and final year, the promotions for the show were all about this incredible final year, and how many people's dreams she was going to make come true. There were several conversations centering around bucket lists, and for a lot of people attending the Oprah show was one of their bucket list activities. I certainly wouldn't have minded attending the show, but I have to admit that I never really made any effort to get tickets, or really even looked into how to make that happen. So, apparently, this wasn't really something that I wanted all that much. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Anyway....my point is this: At that point the top of my bucket list, the thing I wanted to do most, was to meet Jackson Browne. To say thank you to the person who wrote the words and music, that as I have said many times before, that are contained in his songs, and my relationship with his songs are the longest relationship with anything that I have ever had in my life. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Last summer I started to think about Oprah, wish granting, and the idea that she and other talk show hosts sometimes make individuals dreams come true. I realized pretty quickly that although I wasn't a bad person, I still had all of my limbs, I wasn't raising 12 orphaned children, I hadn't saved a family from a natural disaster and made them part of my household, while they rebuilt their life. In fact, I had so ignored my family that my cat had moved out and found another family...she has since returned...it took canned food, bribery and convincing the other family that I really wanted said cat to return home, but that at this point she was going to live at the house that had the best food, and then prove that by buying better food than theirs! </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">If I wanted to meet Jackson Browne, it was going to be something that I would have to make happen, and that I was in control of fulfilling my bucket list. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">So, in this past year, with the help of my family, that happened. I met Jackson, and I was able to reunite with his music, by attending, let's say a few concerts in the past 9 months. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">This experience was empowering for me in many ways. I was really able to listen to his music, frequently, and with intense introspection into my life, where i was when I first heard certain songs, why those songs bring up certain emotions, and why I behaved as if I was spontaneously generated at the age of 35! </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I was able to look forward to what I may want to accomplish in my future, what changes I wanted to make in the way that I live, and what I felt was important. I was able to connect with my daughter in a really meaningful way, through music, and concert attendance which allowed us to spend hours together getting to know each other as adults. Also to spend hours laughing over things we did on our adventures which allowed me to feel young, and her to feel spontaneous and adventuresome.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">As the month of May comes to a close, I may not know what is going to come next in my daily life, but I do know that even through difficult times, what I have learned about myself and others has enhanced my life in a dramatic way. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">This summer I am planning on moving forward on my quest to shrink my carbon foot print, learn the art of composting (my husband is actually excited about this), and just being more environmentally friendly. I can see where that takes me, and what happens next. I know if I remain open to learning from those around me, and listen to what my emotions are telling me, I will continue to learn and grow and become a better person. I think that is a pretty good goal for the coming months!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><em>Every one I know, every where I go</em></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><em>People need some reason to believe</em>.....</span><br />
<br />
<em><span style="font-family: Arial;">Running on empty, running blind</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Arial;">Running into the sun, but I'm running behind....</span></em><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I am looking forward to slowing down, catching up, and enjoying every sandwich!</span>Today I am Teal!http://www.blogger.com/profile/01164140420404335794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838116232965456633.post-23957998322380904092011-04-29T15:24:00.000-07:002011-04-29T15:24:47.658-07:00Jackson Browne, Sleep's Dark And Silent Gate, 4-19-08<iframe height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/DVLGyEpnRCQ?fs=1" frameborder="0" width="425" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>Today I am Teal!http://www.blogger.com/profile/01164140420404335794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838116232965456633.post-21840370937452227162011-04-29T15:20:00.000-07:002011-04-29T15:20:51.201-07:00Sleeps Dark and Silent Night<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I've been home sick for few days, so I have been doing a lot of looking at the world of "Greener Living" blogs, the plastic pollution coalition, and trying to take in what I have been learning.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div align="center" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.geekosystem.com/plastic-in-turtles-stomach/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-55940" height="375" src="http://static02.mediaite.com/geekosystem/uploads/2011/03/plastic-sea-turtle-550x375.jpg" title="plastic-sea-turtle" width="550" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">This is a picture of all of the plastic that was found in a juvenile sea turtle off the cost of Argentina. Poor dude! The less we use, the less chance of things like this continuing to occur.</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">I also found that in some places in Hawaii they have banned the plastic bag. People bring a reusable shopping bag, or they can purchase paper bag with out handles. </div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">Sea World in San Diego is also banning the plastic bag from their shops and restaurants. While other cities are doing events such as non plastic Wednesdays, or another single day during the week. This promotes some thought for consumers, which may alert them to changing their way of thinking and what choices are made on a daily basis.</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">Things I have learned through trial and error. The powdered laundry soap, housed in a box works great! My clothes have never looked cleaner, I love it! Still questionable on the bar shampoo, not totally satisfied with the results of any that I have chosen. Love the produce bags, and my reusable shopping bags, they are really strong, and work well for schlepping anything, not just groceries.</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">Love the refillable soap dispensers, my husband, not so much! Biodegradable trash bags have mixed results. The Green Genius are great, and reasonably priced. The next kind I bought, I discovered didn't have a tie on the top, so when my husband asked me what was with the current kitchen trash bag, I replied, "they are won't buy agains!"</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">While my husband is continuing his running, staying young by challenging himself to be healthier and active. I will continue to go forward in my quest to learn how to better our environment, slowly, but learning and researching each step of the way.</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">I do not see an electric car in my near future, but maybe a hybrid....a used hybrid!</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: center; text-decoration: none;">Sometimes I lie awake at night and wonder<br />
Where my life will lead me<br />
Waiting to pass under Sleep's dark and silent gate</div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: center; text-decoration: none;"> </div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;">I really like this passage of Sleeps Dark and Silent Night. It of course is out of context, but that is what is so special about using music to inspire and understand oneself. One can take the smallest portion of a song, and use it out of context, for a totally different purpose. </div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"> </div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;">To me, out of context, it means just what it says. While lying in bed waiting for sleep, we have the time and ability to imagine what is going to come next. After all no one really knows, life takes many twists and turns, and it is what we do with those that really counts. Every twist is a learning experience, and every turn is a new opportunity. </div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"> </div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;">Life is really an incredible journey!</div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"> </div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"><br />
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</div>Today I am Teal!http://www.blogger.com/profile/01164140420404335794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838116232965456633.post-68654478952552389872011-04-23T19:02:00.000-07:002011-04-23T19:02:22.559-07:00Jackson Browne - Poor Poor Pitiful Me<iframe height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/lmlQUc9hQLI?fs=1" frameborder="0" width="425" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>Today I am Teal!http://www.blogger.com/profile/01164140420404335794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838116232965456633.post-51891369309944598402011-04-23T19:01:00.000-07:002011-04-23T19:01:18.322-07:00Poor, Poor Pitiful Me<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jHsSE3ON6zk/TbN2BSd3bYI/AAAAAAAAAK0/yo4N0wT9AIE/s1600/Mimi%2527s+Camera+044.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" i8="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jHsSE3ON6zk/TbN2BSd3bYI/AAAAAAAAAK0/yo4N0wT9AIE/s320/Mimi%2527s+Camera+044.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
This is Howdy! He came to live at work last year, when he was donated to our garage sale. Weeks before the sale various people were already trying to buy him, and for some reason we couldn't part with him, and he is a permanent resident at our school. He has traveled on various vacations with some of the kids and their families. He has had sun screen applied, lipstick, and has had many a pretend meal made for him to eat. He has even be given a mail order wife, Howdita, to keep him company.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QEYTGqEOluk/TbN3YJlWY7I/AAAAAAAAAK8/O-dBLbRz_o4/s1600/020.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" i8="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QEYTGqEOluk/TbN3YJlWY7I/AAAAAAAAAK8/O-dBLbRz_o4/s320/020.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Howdy at Myrtle Beach, hoping to not get caught in the condo!</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kKQTLIDDzbU/TbN3qbBpw5I/AAAAAAAAALA/3elMR2ZXcBs/s1600/066.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" i8="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kKQTLIDDzbU/TbN3qbBpw5I/AAAAAAAAALA/3elMR2ZXcBs/s320/066.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div align="center">Howdy and Howdita enjoy a tasty meal!</div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="left">The other day I walked into work on my way out of town to drop a few things off, and there was a group of kids playing in the large motor room, and on one of the mats, on his side, looking a bit dirtier than I remember, and a little deflated, was Howdy. I realized that I had forgotten about him, and hadn't known where he had been living the past few months, and even if he was still around. </div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left">My mind wandered back a year ago, when he joined our staff, became an important member of our school, and a cow who everyone loved, young and not so young. How could I have forgotten him? His mail order bride is safely stored upstairs, while Howdy takes the brunt of the "love" from the kids. </div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left">At this point I realized that it is time for me to stop feeling sorry for myself. I too feel that I have been forgotten, and that I am a bit dirtier, and definitely deflated! It is time for me to move on with a positive attitude, which will be the ticket to any successful change and transition occurring in my life, I get to choose what happens next. I am pretty lucky. I have options, I have a husband, kids, dogs, cats, and Howdita to help me begin my next journey in life. I realized that Howdy wasn't really forgotten, maybe by me, but he had taken up residence is a classroom, living a spectacular life of love and interaction with the children in the class, getting bounced on, hugs, and kisses. He may be older, but his life is good. He has yet to be put out to pasture!</div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em>I'd lay my head on the railroad tracks<br />
And wait for the Double "E"<br />
But the railroad don't run no more <br />
Poor, poor pitiful me</em></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I chose this song, which is really a Warren Zevon song, covered by Jackson, because it always makes me laugh. When I feel like a failure there is humor, however, twisted, in the idea that one could be so unlucky that they couldn't even successfully end their life, choosing a railroad track that doesn't have a train! It often helps for me to journey in my head to the point of total ridiculousness to see reality, and jump back and join the world again. It also brings me back to my son, who loved every song with the word train in it, and didn't have to know or care what it was really about!</span></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-uoRKBa8dUF4/TbN97yzAgNI/AAAAAAAAALI/tb3qmkuUOxQ/s1600/croppedjackson.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="140" i8="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-uoRKBa8dUF4/TbN97yzAgNI/AAAAAAAAALI/tb3qmkuUOxQ/s320/croppedjackson.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">My daughter and I saw Jackson Browne on Thursday night. He was really good, and as usual I liked hearing him sing, and talk about his life. He always reminds me that I still have time to do lots of different things in my life! We had never been to Grand Rapids before so we drove downtown to find the venue, to see how long it would take, and where to park, etc. My daughter, who was born with the ability to spellcheck anything on the fly, quickly says that his name is spelled wrong on the marquee! Sure enough, check it out! When your last name is LaPointe, those silent vowels are imperative! So we rounded the corner of the theater, and low and behold there is the bus!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LWx_D560kLs/TbN_WDGxgyI/AAAAAAAAALU/8Nct2mYy1BI/s1600/029.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" i8="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LWx_D560kLs/TbN_WDGxgyI/AAAAAAAAALU/8Nct2mYy1BI/s320/029.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">On the windshield of the bus, is the parking permit, with the name Browne correctly spelled! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jONFOLY73kE/TbN9_VuK0QI/AAAAAAAAALM/Ka05Kj0SVuo/s1600/032.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" i8="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jONFOLY73kE/TbN9_VuK0QI/AAAAAAAAALM/Ka05Kj0SVuo/s320/032.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Being a preschool teacher, I had a sharpie, note card, and scotch tape in the car! We attached a note to the window which said:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Mr. Browne: Your name is spelled incorrectly on the marquee. It says Brown, not Browne. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">From the LaPointes not LaPoints!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">When we returned for the show the marquee had been corrected, with the happy e in it's proper place. I'd like to believe we had something to do with the correction which occurred, but even if we didn't, we sure had fun writing the note, and taping it to the bus. I love going places with my daughter, she makes me feel young, she is really enjoyable, and she has a fabulous sense of humor. I brings me back to the days, when I would have left a note on the bands, bus.....oh.....I guess I still would.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Now for some reflections on my plastic free, environmentally friendly life I am trying my best to live, or learn to live. I learned something at this concert, regarding this quest. I was trying my best to take these new ways of living into all aspects of my life, and for everything that I purchase, even if it wasn't for me. Although, I enjoyed taking my quest for new habits to that length, I realized at the concert, even Jackson Browne himself doesn't do that!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">What do I mean??? The bar and snack area outside the theater, was a virtual shrine to single use plastic. There were tiny, and I mean tiny, wine glasses, single use plastic. No one individual could consume only one, they were at most 1.5 ounces, and not reusable, water bottles, soft drinks poured out of 2 L plastic bottles, plastic lids on the cups, straws, larger plastic cups for mixed drinks. The only non plastic item were the aluminum beer bottles! So much for a plastic free tour!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">My point is, that Jackson and his crew don't use single use plastic, however, he still performs at a venue that is using single use plastic, and going out of the way to use as much as possible, not just when necessary for safety!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">What does this mean? Even Jackson Browne has to make a living, and he does that by singing, so, he performs in venues which use single use plastic, rather freely! Therefore, it is not necessary for me to carry my quest of the lines of my personal life, unless I am asked to! I guess, that won't make me a hypocrite....It is a process of attraction, not promotion.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
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</div><div align="left"></div>Today I am Teal!http://www.blogger.com/profile/01164140420404335794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838116232965456633.post-40436802095881917662011-04-21T10:04:00.000-07:002011-04-21T10:04:36.363-07:00Teach your Children<iframe height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/HbVMx72iLwA?fs=1" frameborder="0" width="425" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>Today I am Teal!http://www.blogger.com/profile/01164140420404335794noreply@blogger.com