Today is my Birthday, 55 years old, six months older than my mother ever reached, and I really don't feel as if I am old, older, but not OLD.
I chose the Jackson Browne classic "The Load Out/Stay" to represent this birthday, for several reasons. This has been a year of adjusting to changes. There has been a change in what I do each day, a change in family structure as my kids are growing up, our old pets are departing at a rapid rate, and what was once a certainty is not anymore.
I remember hearing this song for the first time in 1978, which his actually the year my mother passed away. There is mention of eight tracks, cassets and steroes. At that time the roadies would come out and sing their part, etc. and the stadium would begin to empty as the band would sing sStay. It was a great end to a concert, everyone singing their way to the exit, many stumbling, but we won't get into that!
We have all aged, I never had an eight track, but no one actually does now, cassets are unused in a box, and our stereo doesn't get much use at all. My beautiful daughter is now in Australia "studying" criminal psychology, and my handsome son is living on campus at U of I, exploring gender studies with a interest in social work. They are both, like me, interested in why people do what they do. Interesting, as my prediction was that my son would be a developer of video games, and my daughter would work with young children, who had trouble verbally expressing themselves. Am I disappointed? No, I couldn't be prouder that these two young adults have grown up to follow their interests, in spite of me!!
I so wanted them to Stay, to keep me feeling young, but it was time for them to Load Out, and grow, and I had to let them go. They have provided me with such pleasure as I have watched them navigate the trials and tribulations of the life of young adults. I want so badly to push fast forward, or at least select another track, to allow them to avoid the inevidable pain of growing up into adulthood, but life doesn't allow me to do this, so I watch, and hopefully provide a gentle place to land while they figure out what to do next.
If there was a happiness meter, I could say that I am probably 99% happier, than I was last year at this time. Today my days are spent, playing, investigating, and laughing, with four fabulous young people between the ages of 1 and 4. They remind me daily of the joy of life, the joy of simple things, like cake, bubbles, paint, and playdough. They help me see the world through different glasses, and help me appreciate the beauty a day gives each of us to explore. They help me remember that one "bad" moment in a day, doesn't make a bad day, and even if I think it does, there is always tomorrow. However, in case there isn't tomorrow, live each day to the fullest.
I realized a few weeks ago, shock of shocks, I am slow to connect the dots! That I have been married for 22 years, that my friends is a long time! Mike and I have been given the gift of longevity, and the opportunity to establish a "new" life, without our eight tracks, without our children living at home, and although not in the greatest health, still with plenty of energy to learn new things, and explore things together. Left with one semi old Beagle Basset, with a giant head, one old cat with a persistant loud meow, who stares at us all night, and one sweet old cat, who has been know to move into neighborhood homes when we travel, we are here with the opportunity to get to know each other again, as we have both changed as our life as evolved and our children have grown.
So, on this my 55th birthday, I am thankful for those in my life today, for the children who I enjoy each afternoon, and who provide me hours of fun, and laughter. For their parents who share them with me, I blessed that have chosen to do that for me. For my own children, whom I love to watch grow into adulthood, to my husband who puts up with me, and now has a life time worth of dish soap due to one of my cost saving adventures. To my old pets, who remind me of the circle of life, and that it is alright to throw ones heart out there, even though sometimes there will be pain. To my parents for having me, my siblings for helping to raise me, and there children who are older than mine, showing me that our family grows great young adults.
I am also thankful for Jackson Browne, his music has carried me through life. He has gotten older, changed, and his music has developed and reflected those changes life brings. I appreciate that he has not disappeared during the aging process, but continued to provide people like me, music and lyrics to help sort out their lives!
