Looking Into You

I am excited to say that I am finding more and more Earth Friendly products to purchase, for home and for work, and that it is becoming easier to make a "green" choice, each day.  I am finding that I am thinking before I select a product, and if I find myself really not wanting to make another stop to purchase a "better" choice in a product, I feel it, it tugs at my brain, telling me that this is not really what I want to buy.  It is as if, I can feel my self learning to change, or becoming more conscious of my decisions, and if I make one just to simplify my life, I can feel it.  It doesn't feel good, as if I am letting someone down, and trust me, I is not Jackson, it is myself!  I hate it when I give up on a quest.
So above you can see that I located recycled toilet paper, wrapped in paper!  Which certainly makes more sense to me, than being wrapped in plastic!  I could not find paper towels that are wrapped in paper as of yet, but I am purchasing recycled paper towels, and diaper wipes for work, and it really does excite me!  The sad thing is I am not kidding!

Above is the new bar shampoo that I has finally arrived, it is from Apple Valley Natual Soap, and it is definately an improvement over the hemp variety.  The two flavors that I purchased are Marshmallow, and a Berry blend.  I used the Berry this morning and it rocked!  I didn't feel as if my hair was going to crack off, even once today!  Tomorrow I can use the Marshmallow and then have a Smore poptart for breakfast, and I can feel like I am a girl scout, maybe I can use my plarn to make a sit a pon!

See. That could definately be made of plarn, and after yesterday I have enough plarn to make sit a pons for every girl scout in East Central Illinois!

Wait, I hear you say, I thought the whole green thing was becoming easier, more natural, and you were consciously making better choices??  Well, yes, that is all true, but there was this one little issue yesterday.......

I went to the store and did some shopping, look at the "green chlorox anti bacterial wipes", that I purchased!  I did some other shopping, cat food in cans, not plastic, a few other green cleaning products.  I arrived at the check out counter, and realized that I left my awesome reusable shopping bags in the car!  Now, sitting here right now, I know that I could have parked my cart, ran out to the car, and retrieved my bags, and then made my purchase.  It wouldn't have taken five extra minutes. 

Well, I didn't do that.  I thought to my self, self you don't have that much stuff, it won't be that bad....just pay and leave.  I wasn't feeling the greatest about forgetting the bags, and I assured myself that I would reuse the plastic bag which would house these items, or create a collage with my dogs of all my plastic mistakes over the past few weeks, and hang it in the living room.  So, as I am paying, the cashier starts telling me that they are out of medium sized bags.....and frankly I am not really listening, so I go to grab my ecofriendly purchases and this is what I see:

This picture doesn't do this bag justice.  It is draped over my stove, and takes up the whole front of the stove.  It is big enough to house a three year old child!  So if I had any hope of sneaking out of the store with out anyone who I might run into, not noticing my plastic bag, it was gone!  I think this could be recycled into a tent, with that an my new sit a pon, I could become a scout leader!

The title of this entry, Looking Into You, is my favorite Jackson Browne song from the early days.  I know I have many favorite songs of his, but this one is really one I love, and one that I haven't heard him sing in person for many, many years, if at all.  I did notice that he has been singing it occasionally on his current tour, which is exciting. 

 

 And I looked into the faces all passing by
It's an ocean that will never be filled
And the house that grows older and finally crumbles

That even love cannot rebuild
It's a hotel at best, you're here as a guest
You oughta make yourself at home while you're waiting for the rest

I know what this song is written about, or what I have heard Jackson say this song is about, however, as I have said, to me it is about what I think about when hearing his words, that influences me, and my life.  The same song can mean different things to me at different times in my life, and help me work through a variety of situations.

Today the message that I am taking away from this fabulous song, is about the challenge of moving on, and making changes.  In many ways life is a hotel, and we are all guests, with an unkown amount of time to spend and make our mark in the world.  Each stage of life can be seen as a hotel, on the very individualized trip we call "our life", and as we travel through the decades, we find ourselves needing to change our hotels either through choice, or necessity, sometimes due to situations out of our control, sometimes due to the evolution of our family, and the eventual ability of each family member to be responsible for their own lives and the paths that they eventually choose to follow. 

It is not always an easy thing to do, but it is part of the cradle to hearse experience! (to steal a line from Jackson)

Tomorrow I am going to pick my daughter up in Chicago and we are heading to Grand Rapids to see Jackson Browne, himself.  So, if anyone out there has an pipe line to Jackson, I would really like to hear Looking into You!

 



About My Imagination

Hello, my name is Mimi, and I am a trash-a-holic.  I find living in the world of no single use plastic unmanageable, and it is bringing me feelings of shame and doubt!

I had a complete and utter plastic consumption disaster yesterday.  It was like every single use plastic product was chasing me through the city, and tempting me to use them, purchase them, jumping into my shopping cart, ending up in the seat next to me in my car, and emptying their product on my hair in the shower, and doing the shampoo, rinse, repeat, with out my permission.  I was out of control.  I ended the day with 7 single use plastic shopping bags, two empty single serve plastic milk bottles.  I found myself in my office rolling up the plastic shopping bags, and stuffing them into a file cabinet so no one would see them! 

This was a full blown relapse....I even purchased hostess cupcakes, which are not only packaged in plastic, I believe they are made out of plastic, and I consumed them along with my gas station drink in a lovely plastic disposable cup, straw included.  One plastic item is too many, and one thousand is never enough!

So, to attempt to get it together today, I said the serenity prayer, then started over again today, trying to stay focused, and plastic free.  I spent much of the morning moving things from our work storage unit across town, to our storage shed in our parking lot.  I figured some manual labor, might get be back where I should be in the world of my "new way of living". 

I am still waiting for the recycled bulk box of dog bones to arrive, and I hope it does before we run out, because it seems that if I end up having to buy the bones in plastic, I might go over the edge, and get them individually wrapped, then encased in more plastic and tied with a zip tie!

About my imagination
I'm making this investigation into my imagination
According to my computations
We're overdue for a transformation
Or is it my imagination?

This shouldn't be so difficult, but it is teaching me about myself, and how I operate.  I am a perfectionist, which could surprise a few people.  I am a control freak, I bet that's even more surprising.  So, if I can't do something perfect, I sabotage myself, then I feel like a failure and look like I can't function or don't know how to do something.  It becomes my excuse, and eventually it becomes who I am.  I can't cook, I can't bake, and whether that is true or not, it is what I have always said, every since I forgot to put the sugar in the cake I was making for 7th grade home ec!  I am not artsy or creative, but them one day I was assigned to make a poster for my daughters high school swim team, and I realized that I actually enjoy scrap booking and making storyboards, and they become an obsession, I can't stop until I am completely happy with the product.  I stumbled on the swim team posters a few weeks ago, and now that I am almost 4 years removed from them, and more of an observer of the work, it is really pretty good, I really like it!

So, I think to move forward, I need to use my imagination, and picture the world I want to live in, and try to remain in that picture, until I don't want to run and hide, because I am sure I can't do it.  Maybe through my imagination, I can make changes by forming a positive feeling of the image of me, the woman with the largest carbon foot print, watching it shrink daily, slowly but surely.

Three days ago, I prepared myself to make chocolate chip muffins, so I wouldn't buy treats in plastic, but the I can't bake image has stopped me.  On my kitchen counter for three days, the cupcake pan with paper liners sitting in their spots, waiting for me to mix, stir, pour and bake....I am currently imagining myself, mix, stir, crack the eggs, and bake. 

I hope the vision becomes a reality!



Walking Slow

Well it's now Friday, and frankly my hair is beginning to resemble straw!  I decided that since Jackson says he uses bar shampoo and it's awesome, maybe I have the wrong brand, and I should try something else.  If I don't I am afraid it will crack off strand by strand, and then the only use for it will be to feed a horse, or put it on the playground with the mulch!  I mean, come on, Jackson has awesome hair, and it is certainly not cracking off and falling on his piano while he plays!

So, I broke down this evening and purchased some fancy hand made bar shampoo on Etsy, not made of hemp, so although I might not relax me, or cure nausea, hopefully my hair will once again consider being soft and less rigid!

I decided to leave the car behind this morning and walk to work.  Lower my carbon footprint, and get some exercise.  I washed my hands with my refillable automatic soap dispenser,  loaded up my Waste-Less bag, filled up my Eco- Friendly cup with my morning Pepsi, and walked on down to work....(now a little confession, if it is a half mile, that is a stretch).

Walking slow down the avenue
Through my old neighborhood
Don't know why I'm happy
I've got no reason to feel this good
Maybe it's because I'm all alone
And I've got no place to go
And everywhere I look I see
Another person I'll never know

Walking is a great opportunity for me to let thoughts run through my ever cluttered mind, without fear of causing an accident!  If I walk fast enough, and with enough energy and I rewrite any negative thoughts flying through my mind, to have a positive spin.  I love to watch people and their dogs on their morning walks.  We have a neighbor who takes him dog for a daily drag.  The dog is usually at least four feet behind him, and he has to pull on the leash to get the old dog who can still dig his heels (do dogs have heels) into the ground, and refuse to move.  If he were Jewish he would be taking his dog for a schlep.

Then there are the little bouncy dogs that wag and wiggle their way down the street, and it takes them about 16 steps of all four feet, to match one step of their owner.  My all time favorite is when I see someone walking a Great Dane, and a tiny little purse dog.  It's like they are bringing a snack in case the Great Dane gets hungry on the way!

I'll go on record as saying that out of my two dogs, one is so "debilitated" that to take him to the corner and back, takes an afternoon.  The other is very enthusiastic, and can dislocate my shoulder if he sights a squirrel, and I would need to carry 100 biodegradable plastic doggy waste bags because he insists on trying out every lawn in the neighborhood. 

This afternoon I read "The Green Book" which has many great ideas how to become more environmentally friendly.  There are lots of facts that show how simple it is to do one small thing, and make a large impact over time.  They make sense, even to me.  Cut just a couple of minutes off of your daily shower, unplug your cell phone charger, computer, etc when not in use.  use a razor with replaceable blades. I've been doing that with out even thinking that I was helping the environment.

As usual, I have found one suggestion I really can't wrap my brain around:

Skip a few toilet flushes, to save water!  Sorry, no thanks....at work considering the age of our clientele we must be saving a whole lot of water, because they sure skip a lot of flushes.  At my home, not going to happen!


I got a thing or two to say
Before I walk on by
I'm feeling good today
But if die a little farther along
I'm trusting everyone to carry on...

I am certain that even Jackson is not asking us to skip a few flushes!

Tomorrow my goal is to look for environmentally friendly toilet paper and paper towels, and find a place where I can purchase dog chewies that don't come in plastic.  I am sure there is a pet store that will sell them in bulk, and I could put them in my Waste-Less bag or my produce bags, although it would take all six of them to get enough chewies for Wrigley!

Farther On

There it is, ready to go, waiting for pick up!  My recycling....actually the truth is that is my recycling after the trash was picked up, and they left my goods!  Apparently, it can't just be put out by the trash, I apparently have to sign it up for pick up.....everyone else's on the block disappeared, everyone else's on Devonshire disappeared, but there sat mine, enjoying the day, next to the empty garbage can!!!!

I once again washed my hair with the lovely bar shampoo, while I could feel my other shampoo, in the plastic single use bottles, pointing at me, and talking behind my back.  I believe they called me a tree hugger, before they dissolved into giggles on the shower floor.  I wanted to step on them, but I am evolving, and change is difficult for everyone, even single use plastic bottles.

Look at my beautiful shopping bags that arrived today!  They are called WasteLess Bags, and they can be rolled up and secured with Velcro and be stored in my purse for any surprise shopping.  The only tiny issue with these beautiful bags, is that they arrived from Amazon each one was wrapped in plastic, and on top of that under the tightly wrapped non biodegradable plastic, each bag was tightly secured in a zip tie!  The zip tie, was so tightly secured that when I attempted to cut it off, one of the bags flew across the room and smacked the cat in the head.  This further infuriated said cat, who has just returned from a several day absence, probably due to the disappearance of her favorite wet food, which I can no longer buy due to it's plastic container....apparently doesn't like aluminum cans.

These are the exciting produce bags that I ordered.  They are rocking awesome, and I am excited to get to use them this week, when I purchase snack for work.  Now, they are a bit small, so it is a good thing that I have six of them, two trips to the store, six bags, should supply us with enough produce.

This journey to become a new me, to learn new habits is it seems two steps forward three steps backwards.  This is obvious to me, but may not to anyone else, as I have yet to mention that today I purchased dinner, which came in two plastic containers, housed in a plastic bag, and I forgot and got a drink which was in a single use plastic cup, with a straw.  Does it count if I had my travel cup with me?  Learning to live a different way, means having to relearn almost all of my daily patterns, which are on autopilot as I proceed thru my daily life.

In my early years I hid my tears
And passed my days alone
Adrift on an ocean of loneliness
My dreams like nets were thrown
To catch the love that I'd heard of
In books and films and songs
Now there's a world of illusion and fantasy
In the place where the real world belongs

Today was another day of self exploration, another day of seeing how hard it is to think about the next step in my life, how hard it is for me to stay calm in the process, and how hard it is to not be in control of my destiny!  I chose the song Farther On because currently I am personally struggling with saying good bye to a part of my life, and hello to the new.  I guess I was living in the "world of illusion and fantasy, In the place where the real world belongs".  So, it's time for me to see more clearly the real world which is my life, because the illusion and fantasy will not pay the bills!


I do believe if I continue to become a better person, a person who is still growing, learning, and changing, then good things will happen, and doors will open for me and my future will be shown to me.


So, tomorrow I will call the garbage people and see how I get my recycled stuff to be picked up, not left by the road side, I will try to avoid plastic bags, however, if I continue to accidently collect them, I will learn how to make one of these:

It is made with PLARN!  How does one make plarn?  I bet you can guess......

The Naked Ride Home

Today I awoke with good intentions with several things I wanted to do to continue my journey to be kinder to the Earth. As I scrubbed my hair with my bar of hemp, and I could feel the eyes of my plastic shampoo bottles, sadly watching me feeling abandoned.  On my list today was to locate reusable soap dispensers, automatic so they won't become slimy and disgusting, and to use with excitement my biodegradable kitchen trash bag.

I proudly put my biodegradable bag in my kitchen trash can:


Two Earth friendly activities taken care of.  I collected recyclables around the house, as tomorrow is garbage day, and put in a load of laundry with my new environmentally friendly packaged laundry soap.  A good day was beginning.

Here's were I seemed to have lost focus: 

By the time I got home from shopping, complete with my new soap dispensers and new athletic shoes, which should allow me to walk to work leaving the gas guzzler behind occasionally, I found myself holding FOUR plastic shopping bags.  The only time I was able to muster up the courage to say that I didn't need a bag was at the grocery store!  I did purchase my meat at the meat counter to avoid plastic, but most likely I was able to do this, just so I could use the words "meat counter" or "meat man" while blogging.  Somethings are worth the awkward feeling of behaving differently!

So, I stumbled, but I am already up, and ready to try again!

The real reason for this blog, is as I have said for me to work through some current issues, get a chance to write down the thoughts that swirl through my head, as I make some major life changes.  Change feels awkward to me, and I get uncomfortable, so I find myself continuing relationships, behaviors, or habits which are against my better judgement to avoid the discomfort.

Hence, the title The Naked Ride Home.  No, I didn't go shopping naked, but to be naked, or feel naked, is the most exposed an individual could ever be, and exposure of any sort makes me uncomfortable.  The song is about a couple, who is towards the end of their relationship, and the last ditch efforts the man puts forth to pretend it isn't so.  Now, let's get past the fact that he is driving on the freeway in LA, drunk, with a naked woman, and get into the meaning that this song has for me.

I have a dysfunctional relationship with my job.  We have been together in some form or another for 17 or so years, give or take a few weeks.  It was never my intention to spend such a long time in this particular place of employment.  It wasn't helping me plan for retirement or providing me benefits to better my future life or the life of my family. 

What this job did was at least in the beginning, provided me with a place where I felt competent, secure, valued, and as if I really mattered. As in any dysfunctional relationship, as things changed, and I didn't feel as competent, as valued, I wanted to make it better, so those feelings would return.  I got to the point where I took on an opportunity with a time commitment which was way above my stamina, physical work which was too much for my current health situation, probably because I was not yet ready to admit that I was going to fail, and find my self on the "Naked Ride Home".  Exposed, sad, lonely....

I had the exciting opportunity to see Jackson Browne this past fall in a very small 50 person acoustic concert in Sturgeon Bay Wisconsin.  He was fabulous.  He sang the Naked Ride Home, and played in on the piano as he has left the correct guitar behind.  Well, when he had trouble with the words, I had the opportunity to "help" him recover the words, and even banter with him, when I thought he was wrong.  It was an awesome experience.  First of all, no one knew me, so I wasn't as intimidated as I would have been, and because it was such a surreal setting it was hard to believe it was real, so I was comfortable, he made fun of me telling him he was wrong, and everyone laughed. 

Today, as I thought about my life, I realized it was no accident that the song he forgot, and the song that will forever be etched in my mind, is the Naked Ride Home.  As I continue with the transition out of the dysfunctional relationship with my current job, I constantly feel exposed, as others discuss my short comings.  I found myself in a place where I expected to be receiving praise, thanks, and maybe a bonus(!), to really being "stripped naked" and made to realize that it was time, time to move forward, and stop trying to repair something which can't be repaired by me.  It is someone elses turn.

So, tomorrow I will awake, and again continue on my way to be environmentally friendly, I hope to continue to have more realizations about myself and my circumstances, for even feeling "naked" and uncomfortable as it may feel, is the beginning of the journey which is the rest of my life.

Strawberry Fields Forever

Now, I am very aware that Strawberry Fields Forever is the Fab Four, not Jackson, however after yesterday's adventure I am sure he wouldn't mind me giving them a mention, after all it all relates to my work to become a better caretaker of the environment.

So, in search of shampoo which would not be contained in a single use plastic bottle, I visited Strawberry Fields in Urbana.  I brought Andrew with me, so I wouldn't feel so conspicuous, as I am sure everyone there knew that this is not the place I would frequent! To much whole grain, and bulgar!  The place scares me, a tiny bit....

Anyway, I was surprised to find so many products in plastic, I thought I would find toilet paper and paper towels wrapped in recycled paper, and paper bags to buy the bulk goods.  No, the bags were plastic!  I should make a request for them to rectify this situation immediately, but since this in only my third day at protecting our Earth, I thought it might come off as rude....

I did make several exciting purchases.  I bought two Liggetts shampoo bars, one was "original" and the other was "mint tea and hemp".  I figured after this experience, I could use a little hemp.  Also purchased were biodegradable kitchen trash bags.  I am looking forward to the garbage filling up, so I can try these out.  My fear is that they will degrade prior to making it to the outdoor trash, and I will have a container of non contained trash!

When I returned home, I consulted a green web site, to figure out what to do with the produce when selecting it, prior to having it bagged in my reusable bags.  I purchased a collection of reusable shopping bags, and PRODUCE BAGS!  They came in a package of six, and they are mesh.  Hopefully they will hold more that one piece of fruit!  I am eagerly awaiting their arrival, so I can go produce shopping!

This morning I washed my hair with the bar of hemp.  I figured that even if it didn't work there was the possibility of a contact high, which could make my morning more relaxing!  So I attempted to lather up the bar, and I washed my hair, round one.  To be honest, my hair felt kind of sticky, and I wasn't sure about the results. A little unknown fact about me is that I have a "thing" about clean hair.  I equate dirty hair with psychosis, so I try to never appear out in public with my hair looking dirty. 

"Jackson", I said to myself, "you have fantastic hair, and you say you use bar shampoo....do you make it yourself on your ranch, off the grid"???  If this is the best it gets, I don't know if I can give up the plastic shampoo bottle, and worry that I am walking through life looking psychotic????

I took a deep breath, rinsed my hair, and lathered up again.  I knew that Jackson wouldn't let me down.  I put that lather on my hair, and tried again.  This time there was a nice rich lather, I scrubbed my hair, and felt it actually increasing in volume, which is difficult with my thin hair, then I rinsed, brushed, and blew it dry. 

It actually feels good, and looks lighter, maybe the hemp got to me, or just maybe, I found a way to avoid one single use plastic bottle in my life!  They even make little travel shampoo bars.  If I end up with two many I can make friendship bracelets out of the extra!  I am supposed to get 26 shampoos out of my bar.  One gone, 25 to go!

On today's agenda I am going to do laundry with the powdered soap in a box, and pray the soap flakes dissolve and don't clump in the laundry, then I am going to look for reusable soap dispensers and paper towels and toilet paper wrapped in recycled paper.

Oh people, look around you
The signs are everywhere
You've left it for somebody other than you
To be the one to care

The most exciting thing about this new journey I am taking, is that it is helping me to realize that there is still a time for me to invest myself in my future.  The future of the Earth is an added bonus.  Just weeks ago, I was walking through life as if the doors were closing, as if I had reached the time, age, milestone, where I would just exist, and not produce. 

I guess it is possible to teach an old dog new tricks!

Tomorrow I may, just may, use a little less fossil fuel and walk to work....I said may.....