The Pretender

Say a prayer for the pretender
Who started out so young and strong
Only to surrender

Halloween 1992

This is my family........when I was young and strong..........

This is my family now, and why I won't surrender!  They are the reason that it is time to change the way I live, even if it is a slow process.  I want them to be proud of me.  I want them to think of me as someone who can grow and change, and someone who can continue to learn new things. I am pretty sure that I still have the responsibility to act as a parent, even though they are growing older, and I hope that now we can take turns teaching each other new ways to live.

I am happy to say that the RECYCLING was picked up this week, and we successfully cut down on our amount of trash this week.  Another one of my goals along with being more environmentally friendly, is to cut down on the amount of "stuff" we seem to feel the need to collect in our house.  In our house is appears that once there is more than one of an item in someones possession, suddenly we are collecting, , and we need to have the more!  Then they collect dust in a corner, or a closet, or in the mother of all storage units, our garage! 

So, I have been taking my biodegradable trash bags and filling them with items to donate, and some that are becoming "extra" trash, but this is a one time event, to further enhance my living situation....even Jackson Browne would probably understand the need to down size once in a while.  I bet he doesn't have his children's dress up clothes in the "toy closet", and the "art box" from middle school, as well as a large tub of Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head and the Tots...those are mine, and I plan on keeping all 200 pieces....

In reality I think that actually removing some of this "stuff" from the house in a step in moving forward to my next phase of life, the phase with out young children in the house.  Keeping play dough in the closet somehow made me feel that I didn't have to move on, that those days of kids in the house, play dates, swim meets, star wars guys and electric trains would come back.  If I waited for those days to return, then I wouldn't have to face the fact that it is time to move forward.

As my son went off to college this fall, and my daughter started planning to study abroad this summer, I found myself looking around my life.  I saw a Beagle who is looking old, not even older, but old.  A Bagel (Beagle/Basset) who is middle aged, three ancient cats, and two adults in their 50's, wondering what to do next.

My husband trying to reclaim his youth, began working out.  He spends hours swimming, rowing, and now running on campus, and I believe it is partially because he wants to pretend he is a college student.  However, he looks fantastic, is in great shape, and is running a 5k tomorrow, so it seems to work for him!  He is refusing to give up and get old, and I am proud of him.  Now, he is older than I, so he has had a few extra years to work through this feeling old stuff, so I am sure I will catch up, and figure it all out myself!

Maybe I can form a relationship with environmentally friendly living, similar to my husband;s relationship with swimming, rowing, and running.  Using my car less will help me get in better shape.  Once I am in better shape, I can drag more stuff to be recycled! 

 I realized that I am the same age as my mother was when she died, so I didn't have a mother to watch grow older, and see how that whole process works. So as my husband and I took on parenting with out our parents, we will take on growing old with style!  He will be in good shape, and I will help the earth become in better shape!

If I can continue to grow, change, learn and teach, then I guess I don't have to worry too much about becoming the Pretender. I need to remember that I have basic ideas of what I believe is important, and I still can make an impact in those areas, and also make an impact on areas I have yet to explore. I need to shake off the image that I am too old, to change, or to teach, a job which the energy of youth makes far easier, not to mention parents and children appreciate seeing a young, energetic teacher in their child's classroom, it's natures way!

To help become greener this week I joined several green websites, and their mailing groups.  I continue to wait for my "hopefully" more gentle bar shampoo to arrive.  I am using "green" trash bags, using my reusable shopping bags, walking to work when possible, recycling items when appropriate, and most of all, starting over again when I slide down into "waste land"!

JACKSON BROWNE - ABOUT MY IMAGINATION [LIVE] 2008

About My Imagination

Hello, my name is Mimi, and I am a trash-a-holic.  I find living in the world of no single use plastic unmanageable, and it is bringing me feelings of shame and doubt!

I had a complete and utter plastic consumption disaster yesterday.  It was like every single use plastic product was chasing me through the city, and tempting me to use them, purchase them, jumping into my shopping cart, ending up in the seat next to me in my car, and emptying their product on my hair in the shower, and doing the shampoo, rinse, repeat, with out my permission.  I was out of control.  I ended the day with 7 single use plastic shopping bags, two empty single serve plastic milk bottles.  I found myself in my office rolling up the plastic shopping bags, and stuffing them into a file cabinet so no one would see them! 

This was a full blown relapse....I even purchased hostess cupcakes, which are not only packaged in plastic, I believe they are made out of plastic, and I consumed them along with my gas station drink in a lovely plastic disposable cup, straw included.  One plastic item is too many, and one thousand is never enough!

So, to attempt to get it together today, I said the serenity prayer, then started over again today, trying to stay focused, and plastic free.  I spent much of the morning moving things from our work storage unit across town, to our storage shed in our parking lot.  I figured some manual labor, might get be back where I should be in the world of my "new way of living". 

I am still waiting for the recycled bulk box of dog bones to arrive, and I hope it does before we run out, because it seems that if I end up having to buy the bones in plastic, I might go over the edge, and get them individually wrapped, then encased in more plastic and tied with a zip tie!

About my imagination
I'm making this investigation into my imagination
According to my computations
We're overdue for a transformation
Or is it my imagination?

This shouldn't be so difficult, but it is teaching me about myself, and how I operate.  I am a perfectionist, which could surprise a few people.  I am a control freak, I bet that's even more surprising.  So, if I can't do something perfect, I sabotage myself, then I feel like a failure and look like I can't function or don't know how to do something.  It becomes my excuse, and eventually it becomes who I am.  I can't cook, I can't bake, and whether that is true or not, it is what I have always said, every since I forgot to put the sugar in the cake I was making for 7th grade home ec!  I am not artsy or creative, but them one day I was assigned to make a poster for my daughters high school swim team, and I realized that I actually enjoy scrap booking and making storyboards, and they become an obsession, I can't stop until I am completely happy with the product.  I stumbled on the swim team posters a few weeks ago, and now that I am almost 4 years removed from them, and more of an observer of the work, it is really pretty good, I really like it!

So, I think to move forward, I need to use my imagination, and picture the world I want to live in, and try to remain in that picture, until I don't want to run and hide, because I am sure I can't do it.  Maybe through my imagination, I can make changes by forming a positive feeling of the image of me, the woman with the largest carbon foot print, watching it shrink daily, slowly but surely.

Three days ago, I prepared myself to make chocolate chip muffins, so I wouldn't buy treats in plastic, but the I can't bake image has stopped me.  On my kitchen counter for three days, the cupcake pan with paper liners sitting in their spots, waiting for me to mix, stir, pour and bake....I am currently imagining myself, mix, stir, crack the eggs, and bake. 

I hope the vision becomes a reality!



Jackson Browne "All Good Things" Live Acoustic, Haiti Benefit Room 5, LA...

All Good Things



Now, this is an interesting re-use of a plastic bottle!  Something tells me that the little  guy wishes that his owner would use aluminum cans, or purchase drinks in glass, so he wouldn't have to wear that outfit! 

"A vast swath of the Pacific, twice the size of Texas, is full of a plastic stew that is entering the food chain..."

It is pictures like this that helped me decide it is my responsibility to work harder to be more environmentally friendly.  The more disturbing picture of the birds, turtles, etc. who have died due to ingesting the trash in the Ocean, or have grown up deformed because plastic rings, or bags, had become tied around them, and they were forced to live and grow with these items stuck to them.  I do believe that we, the human race, are responsible for preserving the habitat's and lives of all endangered creatures.

We are a family who loves turtles.  My daughter and husband traveled to Costa Rica to participate in saving the Sea Turtles by protecting their eggs, and helping the hatchlings make their way to the ocean.  How can I support that, and then throw away who knows how many plastic bottles, which could end up on a barge and dumped into the ocean.  On the simplest level, why would we have paid money to save those turtles, then chose not to participate in activities which would protect the environment which we helped them migrate too???

That brings up a thought for life...I need to make more connections with my life events, and my day to living decisions. Example, besides the turtles, several years ago my husband changed out light bulbs to more energy efficient bulbs.  He was all pumped up about saving money, and I was all frazzled because when I walked into a room and switched on a light, it still seemed dark, as it takes longer to for the lights to shine as brightly.  But here is a little factoid, "If every American home changed just five regular light fixtures or bulbs with in them with more energy efficient compact fluorescent ones, we'd keep more than one trillion pounds of green house gasses out of the air-equal to the emissions of eight million cars".  So, I guess  I can deal with waiting to "let there be light" for a few minutes.

So, what I am finding is that there is so much green information out there, that to me it seems incredibly overwhelming.  Where do I start, what should I do, trade in the car, or merely work on eliminating single use plastics for awhile, then pick a new task.  Should I look at the grand scheme of how I live, and make changes after that inventory, or will the fact that my carbon foot print is the size of Texas, force me, like the Sea Turtle, to put my head back in my shell for another 10 years?

All good things got to come to an end
The thrills have to fade
Before they come 'round again
The bills will be paid
And the pleasure will mend
All good things got to come to an end

Looking at this verse from All Good Things, and applying it to my new journeys in life, what ever they may be, from recycling to employment, to living as an empty nester, I find myself thinking several different things.

One, no matter what the good things are in my life currently, or the comfortable things in my life, those have to go, so once again I can learn to appreciate and enjoy the next good thing my life is going to hand me.  So, as silly as it is, I have to work through the changes, even if it is just thinking about the environment before I act, and try to make the best possible choice for more reasons than convience, or because it difficult for me to change.  Then one day when I least expecting it, those good things, will come around again.  There I will be not second guessing all of my decisions once again, confident, and relaxed!

So, I have to let go of some things, to get what I am looking for, to change my life!


This may look like an Island that I am thinking of running off to live on, and to spend my time figuring out what my next step will be, but it is not....It is an entire Island made of plastic bottles, off the coast of Mexico.  250,000 plastic bottles were used to create Spiral Island.  The structure of the Island is made out of bamboo and plywood.  Wow, the best part is that there is a two story house, solar oven, and a SELF-COMPOSTING TOILET!!!

So, if anyone thinks I may be going to far, trust me, I will never, and I mean never, use anything called a SELF-COMPOSTING toilet, trust me!  Even if I evolve into Jackson Browne himself, there will be no toilets that involve any form of composting for me to sit on , anywhere in my life!



Jackson Browne - Take It Easy

Take it Easy

These are my produce bags!  They are full of produce!  Each held over 10 pieces of fruit.  I also used my pretty reusable bags when I purchased the groceries for work, and for myself.  It really did feel good to be kinder to the Earth.  Tonight at dinner I suggested that I should change the name of this blog to "It's Not Easy Being  Green!"  At least for me!

FYI, when I write this blog, I find myself sorting through, and trying to make sense of the things in my life that cause me pain.  However, in other areas of my life, I am actually very happy.  Frustration in one area of my life, doesn't make unhappiness in all of my life.  I have a great husband, although he needs to stop bringing home those plastic bags, or learn how to crochet, two fabulous children, and although most of my favorite people are under 40 inches tall, they are the best! 

Jackson Browne was once quoted as saying "of my truly cheerful material, well, there isn't much", and then going on to explain that he is really a very happy person, but those aren't the things he often writes about.  I assume it's because it is those situations which cause us discomfort or pain, that we take the time to analyze, and examine.  That is the way to understanding, and to finally release the painful feeling.

Lighten up while you still can

Don't even try to understand
Just find a place to make your stand
and take it easy

I have chosen this song for this entry for several reasons.  First of all, not everyone knows that Jackson Browne wrote this song, the Eagles made it famous, and who people think about when they hear this song on an oldies radio station!  Back in the last 1960's and early 1970's there was a group of musicians who hung out together, wrote songs, played them for each other, recorded their own songs, each other's songs, played on each other's records, and helped each other find the path to success.  It was a long time ago, but some of these names should sound familiar, and many have been inducted to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, some more than once.  More than once?  Yes as an individual and as a member of a group.  Musicians such as Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young; Linda Ronstadt, Joni Mitchell, The Eagles, JD Souther, even Elton John and Bruce Springsteen, could be counted among some of these fabulous musicians, as well as, of course, Jackson Browne.

As each became more successful, they would have the others go on tour as the opener, introduce them to people in the industry, etc.  My point is that these musicians, while trying to become successful, and well known, and make a good living, were not afraid to support their friends, promote their friends, and help their friends find the correct door to success.

They did not feel that the success of someone else, would somehow diminish their success, or that the success of someone else, would make their success less of a positive event.  Why, I often ask myself, can't people have this attitude more frequently, even on a small level.  Why when people see someone struggling, do people not automatically want to help?  I'm not talking about total strangers, although that would be awesome also, I am talking about people who are watching someone they know struggle, and then continue to watch as the walls come tumbling down!

Last week, someone who I totally respect, and care about, and value their opinion, more than most, told me that to get help from people, one has to ask!  That is a simple, well put statement, but I wasn't talking about, the idea that one needs to tell people what they need, as it isn't always obvious.  I was talking at this time, about an obvious situation, where anyone with any vision could see that help was needed.  I would be a happier person all around if I knew that one needed to ask for help, to receive help!

To me this is a major stumbling block in our daily interactions with people whom we know, and who we have relationships with, personal, or professional.  In my mind if I am aware that someone is struggling, I am part of the problem, if I don't try to be part of the solution.  Again, I don't mean I can solve someones problems, but if I know they are struggling, and I don't at least try to find out what is happening, and if there is a way to help, or find a person to help, than I have added to their problem.  If I keep my blinders on, and take care of my own life, things are simpler, I'll have more time, but how will I be able to enjoy those extra minutes!  Some would say, with pleasure!  I can't. 

So, tonight, I will take Jackson's advice and "take it easy".  I'll wait for my bulk dog bones to show up, in their recyclable box, my bar shampoo which will hopefully be nicer to my hair, order some more shopping bags, make plarn, and try to find a way to recycle dog hair from my Beagle/Basset!

By the way....when I was younger, I though the words to Take it Easy, involved a "flat red ford", no one where I grew up drove pick up trucks, or flat bed Fords!