Interlochen Michigan
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
The Naked Ride Home
Today I awoke with good intentions with several things I wanted to do to continue my journey to be kinder to the Earth. As I scrubbed my hair with my bar of hemp, and I could feel the eyes of my plastic shampoo bottles, sadly watching me feeling abandoned. On my list today was to locate reusable soap dispensers, automatic so they won't become slimy and disgusting, and to use with excitement my biodegradable kitchen trash bag.
I proudly put my biodegradable bag in my kitchen trash can:
Two Earth friendly activities taken care of. I collected recyclables around the house, as tomorrow is garbage day, and put in a load of laundry with my new environmentally friendly packaged laundry soap. A good day was beginning.
Here's were I seemed to have lost focus:
By the time I got home from shopping, complete with my new soap dispensers and new athletic shoes, which should allow me to walk to work leaving the gas guzzler behind occasionally, I found myself holding FOUR plastic shopping bags. The only time I was able to muster up the courage to say that I didn't need a bag was at the grocery store! I did purchase my meat at the meat counter to avoid plastic, but most likely I was able to do this, just so I could use the words "meat counter" or "meat man" while blogging. Somethings are worth the awkward feeling of behaving differently!
So, I stumbled, but I am already up, and ready to try again!
The real reason for this blog, is as I have said for me to work through some current issues, get a chance to write down the thoughts that swirl through my head, as I make some major life changes. Change feels awkward to me, and I get uncomfortable, so I find myself continuing relationships, behaviors, or habits which are against my better judgement to avoid the discomfort.
Hence, the title The Naked Ride Home. No, I didn't go shopping naked, but to be naked, or feel naked, is the most exposed an individual could ever be, and exposure of any sort makes me uncomfortable. The song is about a couple, who is towards the end of their relationship, and the last ditch efforts the man puts forth to pretend it isn't so. Now, let's get past the fact that he is driving on the freeway in LA, drunk, with a naked woman, and get into the meaning that this song has for me.
I have a dysfunctional relationship with my job. We have been together in some form or another for 17 or so years, give or take a few weeks. It was never my intention to spend such a long time in this particular place of employment. It wasn't helping me plan for retirement or providing me benefits to better my future life or the life of my family.
What this job did was at least in the beginning, provided me with a place where I felt competent, secure, valued, and as if I really mattered. As in any dysfunctional relationship, as things changed, and I didn't feel as competent, as valued, I wanted to make it better, so those feelings would return. I got to the point where I took on an opportunity with a time commitment which was way above my stamina, physical work which was too much for my current health situation, probably because I was not yet ready to admit that I was going to fail, and find my self on the "Naked Ride Home". Exposed, sad, lonely....
I had the exciting opportunity to see Jackson Browne this past fall in a very small 50 person acoustic concert in Sturgeon Bay Wisconsin. He was fabulous. He sang the Naked Ride Home, and played in on the piano as he has left the correct guitar behind. Well, when he had trouble with the words, I had the opportunity to "help" him recover the words, and even banter with him, when I thought he was wrong. It was an awesome experience. First of all, no one knew me, so I wasn't as intimidated as I would have been, and because it was such a surreal setting it was hard to believe it was real, so I was comfortable, he made fun of me telling him he was wrong, and everyone laughed.
Today, as I thought about my life, I realized it was no accident that the song he forgot, and the song that will forever be etched in my mind, is the Naked Ride Home. As I continue with the transition out of the dysfunctional relationship with my current job, I constantly feel exposed, as others discuss my short comings. I found myself in a place where I expected to be receiving praise, thanks, and maybe a bonus(!), to really being "stripped naked" and made to realize that it was time, time to move forward, and stop trying to repair something which can't be repaired by me. It is someone elses turn.
So, tomorrow I will awake, and again continue on my way to be environmentally friendly, I hope to continue to have more realizations about myself and my circumstances, for even feeling "naked" and uncomfortable as it may feel, is the beginning of the journey which is the rest of my life.
I proudly put my biodegradable bag in my kitchen trash can:
Two Earth friendly activities taken care of. I collected recyclables around the house, as tomorrow is garbage day, and put in a load of laundry with my new environmentally friendly packaged laundry soap. A good day was beginning.
Here's were I seemed to have lost focus:
By the time I got home from shopping, complete with my new soap dispensers and new athletic shoes, which should allow me to walk to work leaving the gas guzzler behind occasionally, I found myself holding FOUR plastic shopping bags. The only time I was able to muster up the courage to say that I didn't need a bag was at the grocery store! I did purchase my meat at the meat counter to avoid plastic, but most likely I was able to do this, just so I could use the words "meat counter" or "meat man" while blogging. Somethings are worth the awkward feeling of behaving differently!
So, I stumbled, but I am already up, and ready to try again!
The real reason for this blog, is as I have said for me to work through some current issues, get a chance to write down the thoughts that swirl through my head, as I make some major life changes. Change feels awkward to me, and I get uncomfortable, so I find myself continuing relationships, behaviors, or habits which are against my better judgement to avoid the discomfort.
Hence, the title The Naked Ride Home. No, I didn't go shopping naked, but to be naked, or feel naked, is the most exposed an individual could ever be, and exposure of any sort makes me uncomfortable. The song is about a couple, who is towards the end of their relationship, and the last ditch efforts the man puts forth to pretend it isn't so. Now, let's get past the fact that he is driving on the freeway in LA, drunk, with a naked woman, and get into the meaning that this song has for me.
I have a dysfunctional relationship with my job. We have been together in some form or another for 17 or so years, give or take a few weeks. It was never my intention to spend such a long time in this particular place of employment. It wasn't helping me plan for retirement or providing me benefits to better my future life or the life of my family.
What this job did was at least in the beginning, provided me with a place where I felt competent, secure, valued, and as if I really mattered. As in any dysfunctional relationship, as things changed, and I didn't feel as competent, as valued, I wanted to make it better, so those feelings would return. I got to the point where I took on an opportunity with a time commitment which was way above my stamina, physical work which was too much for my current health situation, probably because I was not yet ready to admit that I was going to fail, and find my self on the "Naked Ride Home". Exposed, sad, lonely....
I had the exciting opportunity to see Jackson Browne this past fall in a very small 50 person acoustic concert in Sturgeon Bay Wisconsin. He was fabulous. He sang the Naked Ride Home, and played in on the piano as he has left the correct guitar behind. Well, when he had trouble with the words, I had the opportunity to "help" him recover the words, and even banter with him, when I thought he was wrong. It was an awesome experience. First of all, no one knew me, so I wasn't as intimidated as I would have been, and because it was such a surreal setting it was hard to believe it was real, so I was comfortable, he made fun of me telling him he was wrong, and everyone laughed.
Today, as I thought about my life, I realized it was no accident that the song he forgot, and the song that will forever be etched in my mind, is the Naked Ride Home. As I continue with the transition out of the dysfunctional relationship with my current job, I constantly feel exposed, as others discuss my short comings. I found myself in a place where I expected to be receiving praise, thanks, and maybe a bonus(!), to really being "stripped naked" and made to realize that it was time, time to move forward, and stop trying to repair something which can't be repaired by me. It is someone elses turn.
So, tomorrow I will awake, and again continue on my way to be environmentally friendly, I hope to continue to have more realizations about myself and my circumstances, for even feeling "naked" and uncomfortable as it may feel, is the beginning of the journey which is the rest of my life.
Explanation of the Purpose of this Blog
I want to clarify that this adventure which I am embarking on is in no way an attempt to mock anyone but MYSELF! I am not attempting to find humor in the beliefs of Mr. Browne, as he is really someone who I respect. He walks the talk, and I talk where I should walk!
I started this process as a way to try and explain to myself the current meaning of my life. While I am on the brink of change in my life, and have spent the good part of the last six months watching something that has been so important in my life, slip away, I felt the need to examine where I go from here. When I discovered that the one thing, I was most proud of, and the one area where I believed I was successful might have not been a reality, I searched for inspiration.
As I have in most of my life, I went to the music of Jackson Browne for that inspiration. So please, if anyone out there actually reads this, and God forbid has a line to Mr. Browne, this is a learning experience for me to use his inspiring words to change my world, and learn a few new things. If I realize that I am still a life long learner, I can't be a failure.
I started this process as a way to try and explain to myself the current meaning of my life. While I am on the brink of change in my life, and have spent the good part of the last six months watching something that has been so important in my life, slip away, I felt the need to examine where I go from here. When I discovered that the one thing, I was most proud of, and the one area where I believed I was successful might have not been a reality, I searched for inspiration.
As I have in most of my life, I went to the music of Jackson Browne for that inspiration. So please, if anyone out there actually reads this, and God forbid has a line to Mr. Browne, this is a learning experience for me to use his inspiring words to change my world, and learn a few new things. If I realize that I am still a life long learner, I can't be a failure.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Strawberry Fields Forever
Now, I am very aware that Strawberry Fields Forever is the Fab Four, not Jackson, however after yesterday's adventure I am sure he wouldn't mind me giving them a mention, after all it all relates to my work to become a better caretaker of the environment.
So, in search of shampoo which would not be contained in a single use plastic bottle, I visited Strawberry Fields in Urbana. I brought Andrew with me, so I wouldn't feel so conspicuous, as I am sure everyone there knew that this is not the place I would frequent! To much whole grain, and bulgar! The place scares me, a tiny bit....
Anyway, I was surprised to find so many products in plastic, I thought I would find toilet paper and paper towels wrapped in recycled paper, and paper bags to buy the bulk goods. No, the bags were plastic! I should make a request for them to rectify this situation immediately, but since this in only my third day at protecting our Earth, I thought it might come off as rude....
I did make several exciting purchases. I bought two Liggetts shampoo bars, one was "original" and the other was "mint tea and hemp". I figured after this experience, I could use a little hemp. Also purchased were biodegradable kitchen trash bags. I am looking forward to the garbage filling up, so I can try these out. My fear is that they will degrade prior to making it to the outdoor trash, and I will have a container of non contained trash!
When I returned home, I consulted a green web site, to figure out what to do with the produce when selecting it, prior to having it bagged in my reusable bags. I purchased a collection of reusable shopping bags, and PRODUCE BAGS! They came in a package of six, and they are mesh. Hopefully they will hold more that one piece of fruit! I am eagerly awaiting their arrival, so I can go produce shopping!
This morning I washed my hair with the bar of hemp. I figured that even if it didn't work there was the possibility of a contact high, which could make my morning more relaxing! So I attempted to lather up the bar, and I washed my hair, round one. To be honest, my hair felt kind of sticky, and I wasn't sure about the results. A little unknown fact about me is that I have a "thing" about clean hair. I equate dirty hair with psychosis, so I try to never appear out in public with my hair looking dirty.
"Jackson", I said to myself, "you have fantastic hair, and you say you use bar shampoo....do you make it yourself on your ranch, off the grid"??? If this is the best it gets, I don't know if I can give up the plastic shampoo bottle, and worry that I am walking through life looking psychotic????
I took a deep breath, rinsed my hair, and lathered up again. I knew that Jackson wouldn't let me down. I put that lather on my hair, and tried again. This time there was a nice rich lather, I scrubbed my hair, and felt it actually increasing in volume, which is difficult with my thin hair, then I rinsed, brushed, and blew it dry.
It actually feels good, and looks lighter, maybe the hemp got to me, or just maybe, I found a way to avoid one single use plastic bottle in my life! They even make little travel shampoo bars. If I end up with two many I can make friendship bracelets out of the extra! I am supposed to get 26 shampoos out of my bar. One gone, 25 to go!
On today's agenda I am going to do laundry with the powdered soap in a box, and pray the soap flakes dissolve and don't clump in the laundry, then I am going to look for reusable soap dispensers and paper towels and toilet paper wrapped in recycled paper.
Oh people, look around you
The signs are everywhere
You've left it for somebody other than you
To be the one to care
The most exciting thing about this new journey I am taking, is that it is helping me to realize that there is still a time for me to invest myself in my future. The future of the Earth is an added bonus. Just weeks ago, I was walking through life as if the doors were closing, as if I had reached the time, age, milestone, where I would just exist, and not produce.
I guess it is possible to teach an old dog new tricks!
Tomorrow I may, just may, use a little less fossil fuel and walk to work....I said may.....
So, in search of shampoo which would not be contained in a single use plastic bottle, I visited Strawberry Fields in Urbana. I brought Andrew with me, so I wouldn't feel so conspicuous, as I am sure everyone there knew that this is not the place I would frequent! To much whole grain, and bulgar! The place scares me, a tiny bit....
Anyway, I was surprised to find so many products in plastic, I thought I would find toilet paper and paper towels wrapped in recycled paper, and paper bags to buy the bulk goods. No, the bags were plastic! I should make a request for them to rectify this situation immediately, but since this in only my third day at protecting our Earth, I thought it might come off as rude....
I did make several exciting purchases. I bought two Liggetts shampoo bars, one was "original" and the other was "mint tea and hemp". I figured after this experience, I could use a little hemp. Also purchased were biodegradable kitchen trash bags. I am looking forward to the garbage filling up, so I can try these out. My fear is that they will degrade prior to making it to the outdoor trash, and I will have a container of non contained trash!
When I returned home, I consulted a green web site, to figure out what to do with the produce when selecting it, prior to having it bagged in my reusable bags. I purchased a collection of reusable shopping bags, and PRODUCE BAGS! They came in a package of six, and they are mesh. Hopefully they will hold more that one piece of fruit! I am eagerly awaiting their arrival, so I can go produce shopping!
This morning I washed my hair with the bar of hemp. I figured that even if it didn't work there was the possibility of a contact high, which could make my morning more relaxing! So I attempted to lather up the bar, and I washed my hair, round one. To be honest, my hair felt kind of sticky, and I wasn't sure about the results. A little unknown fact about me is that I have a "thing" about clean hair. I equate dirty hair with psychosis, so I try to never appear out in public with my hair looking dirty.
"Jackson", I said to myself, "you have fantastic hair, and you say you use bar shampoo....do you make it yourself on your ranch, off the grid"??? If this is the best it gets, I don't know if I can give up the plastic shampoo bottle, and worry that I am walking through life looking psychotic????
I took a deep breath, rinsed my hair, and lathered up again. I knew that Jackson wouldn't let me down. I put that lather on my hair, and tried again. This time there was a nice rich lather, I scrubbed my hair, and felt it actually increasing in volume, which is difficult with my thin hair, then I rinsed, brushed, and blew it dry.
It actually feels good, and looks lighter, maybe the hemp got to me, or just maybe, I found a way to avoid one single use plastic bottle in my life! They even make little travel shampoo bars. If I end up with two many I can make friendship bracelets out of the extra! I am supposed to get 26 shampoos out of my bar. One gone, 25 to go!
On today's agenda I am going to do laundry with the powdered soap in a box, and pray the soap flakes dissolve and don't clump in the laundry, then I am going to look for reusable soap dispensers and paper towels and toilet paper wrapped in recycled paper.
Oh people, look around you
The signs are everywhere
You've left it for somebody other than you
To be the one to care
The most exciting thing about this new journey I am taking, is that it is helping me to realize that there is still a time for me to invest myself in my future. The future of the Earth is an added bonus. Just weeks ago, I was walking through life as if the doors were closing, as if I had reached the time, age, milestone, where I would just exist, and not produce.
I guess it is possible to teach an old dog new tricks!
Tomorrow I may, just may, use a little less fossil fuel and walk to work....I said may.....
Monday, April 4, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Time the Conquerer
I've decided to blog the thoughts that have been swirling around in my head this past year, in hopes of getting a better understanding of myself, and maybe in the process help someone else who is struggling to find their place in the world. So, first things first, I am not a Jackson Browne stalker! The words he has written, through his life as a song writer, have been with me since my days as a confused high school student. In college for awhile the words "I'm going back inside, turning out the lights, I'll be in the dark, but you'll be out of sight" were dramatically applied to my dorm room door.
These words written and sung by Jackson Browne, to help him explore his life and his feelings, explained my life and my feelings as well. My friends also. He understood life in a way that helped my group of friends and I understand where we were, what we felt, and what to do with those feelings. Yes, we joked he was a "downer" and could make anyone feel their life was a bed of roses, but maybe that is what we needed back then! He provided us with several songs that if needed could be played at a funeral, and the words that still today, I want etched on my tombstone. That's a pretty good collection of material for someone who is under 20, but just the same he thought, he had emotion he wasn't afraid to express, and he used words in a way which was so beautiful, and articulate, there was no doubt that he was an incredibly intelligent person, and I would be foolish not to mention, that we found him incredibly attractive!
I never have stopped listening to Jackson's music. In fact after much sole searching I discovered that the longest relationship that I have had in my life, is with his music. Not with him, that would make me a stalker, but with his music. His music and I have grown up together. We have gone through difficult times together, we have changed and evolved together, we have matured together.
Going back to visit an old Jackson Browne song, is like going back to a specific moment in my life, and being able to take that time out of the box which I store it, look at it, examine it, and examine my feelings about that time. This is what I have been doing over the past year. It has been a difficult but therapeutic process. I am not always proud of my past decisions, there are times in the life that were incredibly emotionally painful, that I had been avoiding thinking about for years, but it is necessary if I want to continue to grow and become the best person that I can possibly become.
This year is my first year with both of my children living out of the house. I am officially an empty nester. If you count that my nest is empty when besides my husband, I have the company of two dogs, three cats, and a turtle!
I began the year feeling as if my life was closing in on me, wondering if I only had the chance to remember my past, and live in the present, could I still plan for the future? Going back and thinking about my past through Jackson's music, I see how he expresses that he is aging, and yes, he is older than I! Yet, from listening to his words in songs, concerts, and interviews, I wondered if the man who had the words to inspire me to reflect on my life when I was younger, could provide the same wisdom as I struggled with the my new life, and what would be coming next for me?
Time may heal all wounds
But time will steal you blind
Time the wheel, time the conqueror
In this song Jackson wonders what kind of world he is a part of, and after I listened to it, I also wondered and reflected on my future. Do I just bide my time into old age and be happy with what I have done to make my mark on the world in the past? Am I too old and too set in my ways to do something new? Can I make an impact on the future, learn something new, make my children proud of me?
I think of Jackson, he has never stopped changing and growing and trying to make an impact of the earth, the oceans, and help preserve the precious resources of our planet for the future generations. I have been thinking about some of what I have heard him express about discontinuing the use of single use plastic, recycling, conserving energy, and keeping our oceans safe.
I have decided to make a goal of taking better care of the environment. Face it, anyone who has helped me so much through his songs, which explained my life, and helped me understand my feelings which allowed me to explore myself, and understand myself, couldn't be wrong about discontinuing the use of single use plastic.
April: Month One
I will work at removing the use of plastic in my life. I will be patient, I will persevere, when I fail, I will get up and try again.
Today I purchased reusable shopping bags, and reusable drink cups which are not plastic for me to take my necessary pepsi to work with me. The reusable shopping bags should help me when buying the groceries for work, avoid the 7-10 plastic bags they are packaged in when I get to the register.
How did that work for me? Well, I don't like doing things different, or drawing attention to myself, so I found myself in the grocery store and my reusable bags in the front seat of the car. This probably happened because I was obsessing about what do with the reusable bags when I got to the register, do I bag my own since I am refusing their plastic, do I loudly say "I am saving the environment from plastic so I have my own bags!". Not knowing probably scared me into leaving them in the car. So, moving on, I am in the store, buying banana's no problem, I put them in the cart. Then it's time for the apples and pears. What the heck do I do with the loose fruit, just dump 20 apples, and 20 pears in my cart?? I make a mental note to google this when I get home. Time is ticking, I decide to use as few plastic bags as possible, so I choose two, one for each type of fruit. I move towards the cheese, and decide not to buy any, there is so much plastic involved, I fear that all of the fish in all of the oceans would be killed by this purchase. Every cheese stick is encased in it's own plastic wrapper, then they are all stored in a larger plastic bag. I decide that a large bag of cheese cubes, which could be purchased at another store would be a better choice.
Then to the register, where I say "paper" when asked the question, paper or plastic. While in line I am able to observe other shoppers merely place their reusable shopping bags with their groceries, so I am aware of what to do next time! I feel empowered as I attempt to load the heavy paper bags into my non hybrid vehicle, and motor on home.
As, I have said, this is journey not a sprint!
Thank you Jackson for helping me realize that I do still have the time to look towards the future, to change, to impact the world and the people around me.
These words written and sung by Jackson Browne, to help him explore his life and his feelings, explained my life and my feelings as well. My friends also. He understood life in a way that helped my group of friends and I understand where we were, what we felt, and what to do with those feelings. Yes, we joked he was a "downer" and could make anyone feel their life was a bed of roses, but maybe that is what we needed back then! He provided us with several songs that if needed could be played at a funeral, and the words that still today, I want etched on my tombstone. That's a pretty good collection of material for someone who is under 20, but just the same he thought, he had emotion he wasn't afraid to express, and he used words in a way which was so beautiful, and articulate, there was no doubt that he was an incredibly intelligent person, and I would be foolish not to mention, that we found him incredibly attractive!
I never have stopped listening to Jackson's music. In fact after much sole searching I discovered that the longest relationship that I have had in my life, is with his music. Not with him, that would make me a stalker, but with his music. His music and I have grown up together. We have gone through difficult times together, we have changed and evolved together, we have matured together.
Going back to visit an old Jackson Browne song, is like going back to a specific moment in my life, and being able to take that time out of the box which I store it, look at it, examine it, and examine my feelings about that time. This is what I have been doing over the past year. It has been a difficult but therapeutic process. I am not always proud of my past decisions, there are times in the life that were incredibly emotionally painful, that I had been avoiding thinking about for years, but it is necessary if I want to continue to grow and become the best person that I can possibly become.
This year is my first year with both of my children living out of the house. I am officially an empty nester. If you count that my nest is empty when besides my husband, I have the company of two dogs, three cats, and a turtle!
I began the year feeling as if my life was closing in on me, wondering if I only had the chance to remember my past, and live in the present, could I still plan for the future? Going back and thinking about my past through Jackson's music, I see how he expresses that he is aging, and yes, he is older than I! Yet, from listening to his words in songs, concerts, and interviews, I wondered if the man who had the words to inspire me to reflect on my life when I was younger, could provide the same wisdom as I struggled with the my new life, and what would be coming next for me?
Time may heal all wounds
But time will steal you blind
Time the wheel, time the conqueror
In this song Jackson wonders what kind of world he is a part of, and after I listened to it, I also wondered and reflected on my future. Do I just bide my time into old age and be happy with what I have done to make my mark on the world in the past? Am I too old and too set in my ways to do something new? Can I make an impact on the future, learn something new, make my children proud of me?
I think of Jackson, he has never stopped changing and growing and trying to make an impact of the earth, the oceans, and help preserve the precious resources of our planet for the future generations. I have been thinking about some of what I have heard him express about discontinuing the use of single use plastic, recycling, conserving energy, and keeping our oceans safe.
I have decided to make a goal of taking better care of the environment. Face it, anyone who has helped me so much through his songs, which explained my life, and helped me understand my feelings which allowed me to explore myself, and understand myself, couldn't be wrong about discontinuing the use of single use plastic.
April: Month One
I will work at removing the use of plastic in my life. I will be patient, I will persevere, when I fail, I will get up and try again.
Today I purchased reusable shopping bags, and reusable drink cups which are not plastic for me to take my necessary pepsi to work with me. The reusable shopping bags should help me when buying the groceries for work, avoid the 7-10 plastic bags they are packaged in when I get to the register.
How did that work for me? Well, I don't like doing things different, or drawing attention to myself, so I found myself in the grocery store and my reusable bags in the front seat of the car. This probably happened because I was obsessing about what do with the reusable bags when I got to the register, do I bag my own since I am refusing their plastic, do I loudly say "I am saving the environment from plastic so I have my own bags!". Not knowing probably scared me into leaving them in the car. So, moving on, I am in the store, buying banana's no problem, I put them in the cart. Then it's time for the apples and pears. What the heck do I do with the loose fruit, just dump 20 apples, and 20 pears in my cart?? I make a mental note to google this when I get home. Time is ticking, I decide to use as few plastic bags as possible, so I choose two, one for each type of fruit. I move towards the cheese, and decide not to buy any, there is so much plastic involved, I fear that all of the fish in all of the oceans would be killed by this purchase. Every cheese stick is encased in it's own plastic wrapper, then they are all stored in a larger plastic bag. I decide that a large bag of cheese cubes, which could be purchased at another store would be a better choice.
Then to the register, where I say "paper" when asked the question, paper or plastic. While in line I am able to observe other shoppers merely place their reusable shopping bags with their groceries, so I am aware of what to do next time! I feel empowered as I attempt to load the heavy paper bags into my non hybrid vehicle, and motor on home.
As, I have said, this is journey not a sprint!
Thank you Jackson for helping me realize that I do still have the time to look towards the future, to change, to impact the world and the people around me.
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