The Pretender

Say a prayer for the pretender
Who started out so young and strong
Only to surrender

Halloween 1992

This is my family........when I was young and strong..........

This is my family now, and why I won't surrender!  They are the reason that it is time to change the way I live, even if it is a slow process.  I want them to be proud of me.  I want them to think of me as someone who can grow and change, and someone who can continue to learn new things. I am pretty sure that I still have the responsibility to act as a parent, even though they are growing older, and I hope that now we can take turns teaching each other new ways to live.

I am happy to say that the RECYCLING was picked up this week, and we successfully cut down on our amount of trash this week.  Another one of my goals along with being more environmentally friendly, is to cut down on the amount of "stuff" we seem to feel the need to collect in our house.  In our house is appears that once there is more than one of an item in someones possession, suddenly we are collecting, , and we need to have the more!  Then they collect dust in a corner, or a closet, or in the mother of all storage units, our garage! 

So, I have been taking my biodegradable trash bags and filling them with items to donate, and some that are becoming "extra" trash, but this is a one time event, to further enhance my living situation....even Jackson Browne would probably understand the need to down size once in a while.  I bet he doesn't have his children's dress up clothes in the "toy closet", and the "art box" from middle school, as well as a large tub of Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head and the Tots...those are mine, and I plan on keeping all 200 pieces....

In reality I think that actually removing some of this "stuff" from the house in a step in moving forward to my next phase of life, the phase with out young children in the house.  Keeping play dough in the closet somehow made me feel that I didn't have to move on, that those days of kids in the house, play dates, swim meets, star wars guys and electric trains would come back.  If I waited for those days to return, then I wouldn't have to face the fact that it is time to move forward.

As my son went off to college this fall, and my daughter started planning to study abroad this summer, I found myself looking around my life.  I saw a Beagle who is looking old, not even older, but old.  A Bagel (Beagle/Basset) who is middle aged, three ancient cats, and two adults in their 50's, wondering what to do next.

My husband trying to reclaim his youth, began working out.  He spends hours swimming, rowing, and now running on campus, and I believe it is partially because he wants to pretend he is a college student.  However, he looks fantastic, is in great shape, and is running a 5k tomorrow, so it seems to work for him!  He is refusing to give up and get old, and I am proud of him.  Now, he is older than I, so he has had a few extra years to work through this feeling old stuff, so I am sure I will catch up, and figure it all out myself!

Maybe I can form a relationship with environmentally friendly living, similar to my husband;s relationship with swimming, rowing, and running.  Using my car less will help me get in better shape.  Once I am in better shape, I can drag more stuff to be recycled! 

 I realized that I am the same age as my mother was when she died, so I didn't have a mother to watch grow older, and see how that whole process works. So as my husband and I took on parenting with out our parents, we will take on growing old with style!  He will be in good shape, and I will help the earth become in better shape!

If I can continue to grow, change, learn and teach, then I guess I don't have to worry too much about becoming the Pretender. I need to remember that I have basic ideas of what I believe is important, and I still can make an impact in those areas, and also make an impact on areas I have yet to explore. I need to shake off the image that I am too old, to change, or to teach, a job which the energy of youth makes far easier, not to mention parents and children appreciate seeing a young, energetic teacher in their child's classroom, it's natures way!

To help become greener this week I joined several green websites, and their mailing groups.  I continue to wait for my "hopefully" more gentle bar shampoo to arrive.  I am using "green" trash bags, using my reusable shopping bags, walking to work when possible, recycling items when appropriate, and most of all, starting over again when I slide down into "waste land"!