I've decided to blog the thoughts that have been swirling around in my head this past year, in hopes of getting a better understanding of myself, and maybe in the process help someone else who is struggling to find their place in the world. So, first things first, I am not a Jackson Browne stalker! The words he has written, through his life as a song writer, have been with me since my days as a confused high school student. In college for awhile the words "I'm going back inside, turning out the lights, I'll be in the dark, but you'll be out of sight" were dramatically applied to my dorm room door.
These words written and sung by Jackson Browne, to help him explore his life and his feelings, explained my life and my feelings as well. My friends also. He understood life in a way that helped my group of friends and I understand where we were, what we felt, and what to do with those feelings. Yes, we joked he was a "downer" and could make anyone feel their life was a bed of roses, but maybe that is what we needed back then! He provided us with several songs that if needed could be played at a funeral, and the words that still today, I want etched on my tombstone. That's a pretty good collection of material for someone who is under 20, but just the same he thought, he had emotion he wasn't afraid to express, and he used words in a way which was so beautiful, and articulate, there was no doubt that he was an incredibly intelligent person, and I would be foolish not to mention, that we found him incredibly attractive!
I never have stopped listening to Jackson's music. In fact after much sole searching I discovered that the longest relationship that I have had in my life, is with his music. Not with him, that would make me a stalker, but with his music. His music and I have grown up together. We have gone through difficult times together, we have changed and evolved together, we have matured together.
Going back to visit an old Jackson Browne song, is like going back to a specific moment in my life, and being able to take that time out of the box which I store it, look at it, examine it, and examine my feelings about that time. This is what I have been doing over the past year. It has been a difficult but therapeutic process. I am not always proud of my past decisions, there are times in the life that were incredibly emotionally painful, that I had been avoiding thinking about for years, but it is necessary if I want to continue to grow and become the best person that I can possibly become.
This year is my first year with both of my children living out of the house. I am officially an empty nester. If you count that my nest is empty when besides my husband, I have the company of two dogs, three cats, and a turtle!
I began the year feeling as if my life was closing in on me, wondering if I only had the chance to remember my past, and live in the present, could I still plan for the future? Going back and thinking about my past through Jackson's music, I see how he expresses that he is aging, and yes, he is older than I! Yet, from listening to his words in songs, concerts, and interviews, I wondered if the man who had the words to inspire me to reflect on my life when I was younger, could provide the same wisdom as I struggled with the my new life, and what would be coming next for me?
Time may heal all wounds
But time will steal you blind
Time the wheel, time the conqueror
In this song Jackson wonders what kind of world he is a part of, and after I listened to it, I also wondered and reflected on my future. Do I just bide my time into old age and be happy with what I have done to make my mark on the world in the past? Am I too old and too set in my ways to do something new? Can I make an impact on the future, learn something new, make my children proud of me?
I think of Jackson, he has never stopped changing and growing and trying to make an impact of the earth, the oceans, and help preserve the precious resources of our planet for the future generations. I have been thinking about some of what I have heard him express about discontinuing the use of single use plastic, recycling, conserving energy, and keeping our oceans safe.
I have decided to make a goal of taking better care of the environment. Face it, anyone who has helped me so much through his songs, which explained my life, and helped me understand my feelings which allowed me to explore myself, and understand myself, couldn't be wrong about discontinuing the use of single use plastic.
April: Month One
I will work at removing the use of plastic in my life. I will be patient, I will persevere, when I fail, I will get up and try again.
Today I purchased reusable shopping bags, and reusable drink cups which are not plastic for me to take my necessary pepsi to work with me. The reusable shopping bags should help me when buying the groceries for work, avoid the 7-10 plastic bags they are packaged in when I get to the register.
How did that work for me? Well, I don't like doing things different, or drawing attention to myself, so I found myself in the grocery store and my reusable bags in the front seat of the car. This probably happened because I was obsessing about what do with the reusable bags when I got to the register, do I bag my own since I am refusing their plastic, do I loudly say "I am saving the environment from plastic so I have my own bags!". Not knowing probably scared me into leaving them in the car. So, moving on, I am in the store, buying banana's no problem, I put them in the cart. Then it's time for the apples and pears. What the heck do I do with the loose fruit, just dump 20 apples, and 20 pears in my cart?? I make a mental note to google this when I get home. Time is ticking, I decide to use as few plastic bags as possible, so I choose two, one for each type of fruit. I move towards the cheese, and decide not to buy any, there is so much plastic involved, I fear that all of the fish in all of the oceans would be killed by this purchase. Every cheese stick is encased in it's own plastic wrapper, then they are all stored in a larger plastic bag. I decide that a large bag of cheese cubes, which could be purchased at another store would be a better choice.
Then to the register, where I say "paper" when asked the question, paper or plastic. While in line I am able to observe other shoppers merely place their reusable shopping bags with their groceries, so I am aware of what to do next time! I feel empowered as I attempt to load the heavy paper bags into my non hybrid vehicle, and motor on home.
As, I have said, this is journey not a sprint!
Thank you Jackson for helping me realize that I do still have the time to look towards the future, to change, to impact the world and the people around me.
